Episode Report Card Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Search for Phlox
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.24.2005
Quiznos that isn't. Klingakhanette complains to the Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air that a few of them are getting very sick. The Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air thinks the sick Klingakhans should be quarantined, but Klingakhanette refuses, saying they will all die together. The Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air tells her to be patient: "The Denobulan is working to stabilize the human DNA -- you will all be healthy again and stronger than any Klingon!" "Will he restore our appearance?" Klingakhanette asks. Of course, because it has to be the girl among them who worries about that. Seriously -- why is she blonde? No, it's really bugging me. The Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air doesn't know. Klingakhanette whines about returning home and looking like freaks: "We will be outcasts -- there will be no place for us in the Empire." The Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air insists that their hearts are still Klingon. Klingakhanette isn't so sure since all the Klingakhans felt fear when they attacked Enterprise. "We've become like them -- weak, cowardly. It would be better for us to die," Klingakhanette says. The Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air puts a comforting hand on her shoulder and says that as long as he's alive the Empire will not turn their back on them. Nor will DJ Jazzy Jeff.
In his quarters, Quantum sits next to Porthos and pats his head: "I get the feeling you miss Phlox, too. Or maybe it's just the stash of cheese he's got in Sickbay." Or maybe it's just that Phlox pays more attention to Porthos than you do, ass. Paunchy PVC comms Quantum and says he heard Quantum wanted to have a word with him. "Where's my doctor?" Quantum demands. Paunchy says Phlox is safe and on an important Starfleet mission. "Phlox was kidnapped -- Starfleet would never authorize that!" Quantum argues. "Re-read the charter: Article Fourteen, Section Thirty-One: there are a few lines that make allowances for bending the rules during times of extraordinary threat," Paunchy says. Please, "extraordinary threat"? The Klingons are nothing. All the Klingons have done is threaten stuff. But then, you have the Xindi, who launched an attack on Earth, killed Florida, and were planning on pulverizing the rest of the planet, so why wasn't Section 31 involved there? Why did Starfleet say that Quantum was Earth's only hope? Why are they just talking out of their asses? Paunchy won't give Quantum information on what the threat is, and says he's really calling to talk about Reed. Paunchy thinks Quantum should let up on Reed since Reed's done such good work for them over the years. Quantum doesn't see it that way. There's more information not-gathering going on, and Paunchy finally says that if Quantum interferes with the Phlox situation, the repercussions will affect entire worlds. Quantum furrows. Oh, yes, you furrow now, my friend, but just you wait!
Quiznos that isn't. Phlox holds up four blue-green tubes and says that one of them contains the genetic trigger that can neutralize the virus before it advances to the lethal stage. And the other three contain Bahama Mama shots. But Phlox doesn't know which ones will get you cured and which ones will get you laid. He goes on that it will take him a week to isolate the right one, and says the Exterminators can quarantine the colony while he works on it. Has Phlox NOT been paying attention? Every Klingon on this hot sub with melted cheese has told him that the Exterminators are coming not to QUARANTINE but, interestingly enough, to EXTERMINATE! The Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air loudly reminds him of this and Phlox shouts that the only way to make the Exterminators' deadline is to infect four healthy Klingons. The Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air says he's got four healthy Klingons right there. "Only one of these strains will work, the others will be lethal!" Phlox repeats. "Ethically, it's unthinkable!" The Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air doesn't care about no stinkin' ethics and basically says that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one. Phlox looks wildly around for a Vulcan.