Episode Report Card Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Search for Phlox
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.24.2005
Quiznos that isn't. Phlox and the Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air argue about making Khannabees. Phlox is on the nay side, while the Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air goes for the aye button. After the Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air get his mystery genetic trigger, he laughs and asks if bloodwine will affect the results. Phlox doesn't think so. The Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air proposes some serious partying as the four Klingons wait for death to become them.
Enterprise. Sickbay. Quantum expositions what we already know. Meanwhile, a Klingakhan lies on a gurney and acts out the last scene of Camille. Of course, his costume looks more like La Boheme. Quantum pleads with Klingakhamille to give them the coordinates to Qu'vat Colony's medical facility. Klingakhamille coughs.
Quiznos that doesn't have subs. Phlox tends to dying Klingakhans. Klingakhanette makes a last ditch attempt to be an actress as she struggles to sit up and pants, "My brothers!" Shut up and die, Klingakhanette. Antaak comes in and reports that he and the Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air are the only two healthy Klingons left. Which means -- in case there are those of you out there who can't count -- one of the two Klingon bigw'gs will die. Phlox holds his Klingon tricorder up and scans Antaak. He looks sad. "It's the General, isn't it?" Antaak asks. "His strain has the cure?" Phlox says that if they work quickly, they'll be able to save him as well. Antaak nods.
The Exterminator eats the gummy worms playing gagh in this episode as his ships zoom through space. Paunchy PVC comms him to say another complication cropped up -- this time it's the Exterminator's "people" who failed to slow Enterprise down, and both Enterprise and Columbia are now on their way to Qu'vat colony. Wait, if Reed had to choose sides, and we're assuming by his sodden handkerchief that he ch-ch-chose Quantum, how does Paunchy even know what Enterprise and Columbia are up to? "Order them to withdraw," Exterminator says. Paunchy says he doesn't have that authority. "Then I'll destroy them," Exterminator chews. "We had an arrangement," Paunchy says tonelessly. Bad acting aside, why is he now having a problem with the Klingons destroying Enterprise? He JUST said that Exterminator's people failed to stop Enterprise. We NOW KNOW the Klingakhans FAILED in their mission to DESTROY Enterprise! So, why should it matter to Paunchy WHEN the Klingons go about destroying Enterprise if that was always the plan in the first place? Is it just me going crazy? "You did what I wanted -- I don't need you any more," Exterminator says. I'm fascinated by the tiny braid hanging down from Exterminator's beard. Does he get up early each morning, stand in front of his spiked Klingon mirror, and carefully braid it? Maybe some days he gets fancy and adds a colorful or gilded bead. "You agreed that both our governments would benefit if the two of us worked together," Paunchy drones. "And you believed me," Exterminator half-chortles, and hangs up on him.
Phlox performs complicated medi-babble as Quantum shows up, brandishing a weapon. Does someone care to explain to me why Quantum, the captain, is ALONE on this DANGEROUS AWAY MISSION? It's because he's an asshole glory-grubber, isn't it? "Captain!" Phlox says as Klingons train their weapons on Quantum. "Are you all right?" Quantum asks. "I'm better now that you're here," Phlox says, slashily. Klingakhamille stumbles onto the stage and says, "Father!" The Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air is all surprised, since he thought his son was honorably dead. Klingakhamille gives Quantum a sidelong look and says that the humans spared him. Quantum and the Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air fight over Phlox's hot bod. Phlox finally interrupts them and says that he can speak for himself; he wants more time to come up with the cure. "Cure?!" the Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air blusters. "You were supposed to perfect the Khannabee genome!" Are they still keeping up with that story, then? "I lied," Phlox says, all steely-dan. Phlox tells the Fresh Klingon of Bel-Air that his son may be alive now, but if he isn't allowed to continue with his work, he'll be on his way to Sto-vo-kor. Plus, if Phlox doesn't get on it with a quickness, Klingakhamille is going to keep grossing me out with that nasty great mole that's threatening to storm the battlements and capture his face. Phlox hits a home run with Quantum when he says that several million patients are counting on his cure. Because when does Quantum not leap at the chance to be a Jesus Christ Furrowstar to several million people?