Episode Report Card Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Search for Phlox
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.24.2005
Hey, Bormanis, do you think that maybe you need to come up north and audit one of the Evil Dr. Mathra's classes?
"But if we shut down the reactor?" Quantum starts to say. Trip acknowledges that that's why they have to move into Columbia's warp field, so Columbia can sustain their speed while he reinitializes the engines. Quantum argues, but Trip has a shortcut -- he's going to do some purging.
Trip dashes out of the turbolift and spots the Uh-Ohs guarding the exit. "What're they here for?" Trip wonders. "Uh, the Captain and I have had a slight misunderstanding," Reed says. "How slight?" Trip wonders. Well, see, Reed called out your name in bed and Quantum got a little pissed off. Reed says he's currently doing time in the brig and will tell Trip all about it when they have some alone time. Reed and his Uh-Ohs walk away. Trip gives them several backward glances as he makes his way to Engineering. He's totally checking out Reed's ass to see if prison's changed it.
Engineering. "Fancy meetin' yew here," Trip breezes to T'Pol before demanding technobabble. She gives him technobabble, and Trip glares, "Someone hasn't been taking very good care of my engines!" Yes, his engines need constant stroking, explosive stress-relieving purging, and sometimes even a rub-down with lotion. Trip tells T'Pol to take notes. Clearly she hasn't been able to satisfy him in the past and he's about to tell her how to handle his "engine." "I'm about to perform a manual shutdown and restart in less than two minutes!" Trip announces. "That's not possible," T'Pol breathes. No kidding; most guys need longer than two minutes to -- oh, but I get it: Trip's the Sting of Star Trek.
Cpt. Happy Pants prissily comms Quantum, "I've routed all my power to my warp field. Do me a favor, Jonathan, make this quick." That's not exactly the kind of thing a guy wants to hear, you know? The ships are now snuggled one warp field blanket and, well, there's touching. Quantum comms Trip, "Ready when you are." "Everyone get away from the bulkheads," Trip shouts, "it's gonna get a little hot in here." So take off all your clothes! Trip fiddles with stuff and counts down the reactor shutdown. Stuff sparks and Enterprise's engines go dark. Trip runs around doing things and giving orders. Cpt. Happy Pants warns Enterprise that they've got forty seconds. Man, I can just imagine what she and Quantum's 1001 Arabian Rocks was like: "Get more condoms! It's horrid, change it! Take me roughly from behind! No, not like that, like this! Trousers off, tackle out! Kiss my face! Hurry up! Where's my orgasm?!" "Trip -- how's it going?" Quantum asks desperately. "Just another minute, Captain!" Trip pants. "You don't have a minute!" Quantum retorts. It's an orgy! "Don't touch that!" "Now, now!" "Wait -- I'm not ready! Think of baseball!" "No, think of England!" Cpt. Happy Pants irritably comms that they're losing the erection. I mean, that they're losing the field. "Fifteen seconds, Trip," Quantum calls out. "Almost there!" Trip pants. Trip gives more desperate orders. There's a countdown, and -- I'm sorry, did Trip just fist the warp core? "3-2-1" and AHHHHHHHHH! Enterprise lights up. T'Pol comms Quantum, "The subroutines have been purged." Get some Kleenex. "I appreciate the house call, Mr. Tucker," Quantum says. Especially since he came in through the back door. Trip tells him anytime and says he'd like to hang around and check things over. Man, I need a cigarette. And I don't even smoke.