Episode Report Card Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Search for Phlox
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.24.2005
On another bed, T'Pol asks how Quantum's feeling. Quantum grunts and says, "Not too bad -- aside from some strange cravings." Are you definitely having some aggressive tendencies? "A plate full of live gagh sounds pretty good right now," Quantum goes on. Phlox says that the cravings will disappear in day or two, along with his furrows. But will my pain? What about my angst and frustration and hate? No, it's very clear, his brow is here to stay. Not for a year. Forever and a day. "Naw, I'd keep them if I were you, Cap'n," Trip puts in. Quantum glares at him. "It makes you look...intimidating," Trip finishes. Quantum glares harder and shakes his head at the inanity of anyone going through life with such ridiculous forehead gear. Cpt. Happy Pants says she's gotta get back to her ship. Quantum thanks her for her help. "I don't know how you survived all these years without me," Cpt Happy Pants sasses, and leaves. "Shouldn't you be joining her?" T'Pol asks rather loudly. Trip stares at T'Pol. Quantum says he's asked Trip to hang around and help with repairs. "Indeed?" T'Pol says, as a cover of the Flute of Vulcan Love (the original Flute of Vulcan Love can be heard in "This Side of Paradise," along with the Spores of Spock Sex) plays. "Our new chief engineer will no doubt be delighted for the help." I guess she was trying to be sarcastic because Trip responds, "No, Kelby's got nothing to worry about -- I'm only here temporarily." T'Pol flares her eyes, nostrils, and lips at this and CRACK WHORES her gaze away from the lack of bamp-chicka music.
Reed lies in bed and reads a book. Or maybe he Reeds a book, but I think that would be really gross, yet definitely on par with how I've approached this episode. He gets a comm from Paunchy, who's weird with his, "Everything went according to our projections. The Empire has been stabilized -- I doubt very much they'll be experimenting with Khannabees any time soon." Was it a "slam dunk," you liar? Reed insists they could have explained everything to Quantum. Wait, but you did that already -- didn't you? "That's not how Krell wanted things done," Paunchy says. "Since when do we do things the way the Klingons want?" Reed demands. "When it's in our interest," Paunchy says smoothly. "I had to keep certain details from you as well. I hope there are no hard feelings." Nope, no hard feelings at all. Those are for Quantum. Paunchy says that the mission wouldn't have succeeded without him. "Don't contact me again," Reed snaps. "Is that clear?" Paunchy chuckles, "Maybe you didn't understand our recruitment policy -- you can't simply walk away." Reed says he's Quantum's bitch and Quantum's bitch alone. Paunchy starts to interject, but bolstered by Quantum's love, Reed hangs up on him and gets back into bed for some sweeeet dreams.
Well, I was wrong. I predicted that Trip would never actually go to Columbia. And then he did. Next, I insisted that Trip would be back on Enterprise at the conclusion of this arc. And then I was wrong. Maybe they'll just have to destroy Columbia and that will be the reason why Trip can't go back. But then we'd have to deal with Moping Quantum, mourning the death of Cpt. Happy Pants. Not that I'd believe the mope, since there's no heat between them. NO HEAT! I might muster up some respect for him if, at some point, he broke down and honestly and openly cried like a baby. And not like a manly baby who is ANGRY that he's squeezing out a few weak tears -- I'm talking a real bawling, sobbing, can't quite catch your breath, soundless, just been rolled off the changing table not that I ever did that to my little sister or anything baby. I want it before this show ends.