Episode Report Card Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Search for Phlox
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.24.2005
Quantum comms Cpt. Happy Pants and thanks her for lending them her boy toy. "You not getting away with my Chief Engineer that easily," Cpt. Happy Pants says silkily. Quantum grins, "Any plans for the next few days?" "What've you got in mind?" Cpt. Happy Pants asks. A little bondage, a little role-playing, a little wax-on-nipple action...nothing we didn't just see.
Quiznos that isn't. Antaak visits Phlox in his Klingon prison. Phlox is passed out on his bed. "Phlox! Phlox!" Antaak pleads. He whips out this tube, and, man! Okay, how do I say this? Well, he holds the tube at his waist and it's long and it's ridged and he thinks it will help the semi-recumbent Phlox.
Yeah.
I'm celebrating my thirteenth birthday at the Roller Garden next week and you're all invited.
Antaak apologizes for the way Phlox has been brutalized. I think he's more sorry that he wasn't the brute. Phlox breathes hard: "Then end it -- contact Starfleet!" Antaak can't do that because his people need Phlox. He needs Phlox. Phlox refuses to create Klingakhans. Antaak has other ideas -- he's been reviewing Phlox's brilliant work and realizes that, based on Phlox's past work, they might be able to find a cure to the virus. Phlox looks at the e-pad and agrees, "Yes, yes -- that would stop the genetic effects of the virus in stage one. There will be changes in appearance -- some minor neural reordering, but not development of stage two characteristics. No enhanced strength or speed or endurance!" Phlox laughs weakly but realizes that General Kuvak would not get his Klingakhans, and adds, "He would never allow it." Antaak looks around surreptitiously and suggests they don't tell him. Phlox points out what will happen when Kuvak finds out that they've deceived him, but Antaak think they will die an honorable death while saving thousands of lives.
Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper? It's like they dumped a bunch of Robitussins together and called it soda.
Quantum logs that Columbia is going to lend a clean hand in their search for Phlox. For some reason, Reed is quite rudely yanked and shoved out of the brig as he tries to refasten his collar. Dude, I know he's incarcerated, but I don't see the need for the Uh-Ohs to treat him like a common criminal. Maybe they still resent him for Hayes's death. Or they think that big boys don't cry. Reed steps into his own quarters and sees Quantum reading through his old emails. "Those are my personal files," Reed whimpers. "Not when they affect my ship!" Quantum snarls. T'Pol restored everything Reed tried to erase. On Reed's monitor is a paused image of Paunchy PVC. Quantum says they ran Paunchy PVC's voice and face through a search and discovered that he worked in Starfleet Security until a few years ago, and they haven't been able to get any recent information on him. Reed pleads that there's nothing more he can say. Quantum growls that he doesn't accept that: "You endangered every member of this crew -- you answer to ME!" Reed looks like he's about to cry. Again. Some more. "I thought I knew you, Malcolm. Whatever HOLD this Paunchy PVC has on you -- you could've come to ME!" Reed's lower lip trembles: "I'm under orders!" "I'M YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER!" Quantum bellows. He says that he'll just go to Starfleet, and whatever it is that Reed's been trying to hide will come out: "Is THAT what you want?!" Hold on, if Section 31 operates like NSA or CIA, going to Starfleet won't get Quantum any answers. I assume Section 31 is fairly separate from Starfleet and Starfleet really has no jurisdiction over anything they do. Or, even if they do, random bellowings from Quantum isn't going to make Starfleet hand over top secret information. I mean, isn't that the point of having secret operations in the first place? All this time, Reed hasn't said anything. "IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!" Quantum bellows again, getting right up in Reed's face and waggling his head somewhat spasmodically. I don't know how Reed can keep a straight face after that little display. Do you think Bakula's co-stars should invest in sneeze guards? I think so. Reed whimpers that he can't tell him what he doesn't know. "Then let me TALK to someone who can!" Quantum yells. Does Quantum really not get it? Quantum doesn't have access to the information because HE DOESN'T HAVE CLEARANCE! And, dude, NO amount of SHOUTING is going to GIVE you that SECURITY CLEARANCE! Quantum orders Reed to send a message to Paunchy PVC. Reed just stands there and wonders if he can grab another tube of lip gloss before he goes back to the brig.
Quiznos that isn't. Phlox explains to Antaak how Denobulan families operate. Antaak is intrigued by the complex mating practices. Oh, I don't know, I'd hazard that biting, smacking your mate across the mouth, and braying to the moon is also pretty complex. Antaak says that when he became a healer, his warrior father disowned him. Antaak then goes into a self-loathing rant about how the plague is all his fault and that his failure is the reason why Phlox is there.