Episode Report Card Keckler: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cap'n Don't Preach
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.16.2001
"Where the hell are the Xyrillians?" Trip asks. T'Pol tells him his repairs must not have done much, because the Xyrillians are hiding in the Klingon ship's plasma wake. Cpt. Quantum turns to Hoshi, who says their translation program "should be in pretty good shape." Reed asks if what they're doing is really a good idea. Why not? All we know about the Klingons at this point is that Enterprise successfully returned Klaang to them, along with his information about the Suliban. We haven't seen any reason for them to act hostile -- other than the fact that it's their natural state. Cpt. Quantum says they won't be able to speak to the Xyrillians without the Klingons knowing about it, and tells Hoshi to open a channel. He launches into his whole spiel about who they are and how they'd "respectfully" like to ask their assistance with something. Reed shouts that the Klingons are charging weapons. Of course they are -- anything to shut Quantum up! "Polarize the hull plating! Grab ahold of something!" Cpt. Quantum orders. The Klingons fire and fire again. "Why are they attacking us?" Mayweather asks. "They're not, if they wanted to destroy Enterprise, they would have done it," T'Pol tells him. "So, I guess that's their version of a warning shot across our bow?" Cpt. Quantum asks. Reed says he doesn't recommend they stick around for any more warnings, and Mayweather asks if he should get them out of there. Cpt. Quantum tells him not to move them and asks Hoshi to hail them again. Starfleet Blue Cross Blue Shield cancels their group number. Trip reports that the Klingon starboard nacelles are fluctuating, just like Enterprise's did when the Xyrillians were hiding behind them. Hoshi announces that the Klingons are responding to their hails.
A Klingon comes on the screen and demands to know what right they think they have to approach a Klingon warship. Cpt. Quantum apologizes with a wink and a smile and says he needs to ask if they've been experiencing malfunctions on their ship. "You've been monitoring our systems -- for how long?" Cpt. Klingon demands, getting even more edgy. Cpt. Quantum assures him they haven't been monitoring them at all; they had the same malfunctions because of a small ship riding in their wake. "They're using your plasma exhaust to fuel their warp coils," Cpt. Quantum finishes. Cpt. Klingon is enraged, and orders his crew to find the vessel. "Wait a minute. Wait a minute," Cpt. Quantum says, holding up his hands laughingly. That gesture of his alone makes me want to fire on him. "They're harmless," Cpt. Quantum continues, not heeding my ire. "We need them, alive. Just give me a chance to explain." Cpt. Klingon again orders his crewmate to find the Xyrillian ship. The Klingon vessel fires off its aft and tractor-beams the Xyrillian ship into sight. "There are thirty-six aboard," Klingon Crewmate reports. "Bring the captain to me and execute the others," Cpt. Klingon orders. "Didn't you hear what I said?" Cpt. Quantum roars, dancing about the bridge. "I need them alive!" "What you need is to turn your puny ship around and leave. These aliens violated our security and disrupted our systems. Both are considered acts of war against the Empire!" Cpt. Klingon says, going apoplectic. "I assure you that any damage they caused was unintentional. They are simply trying to get home," Cpt. Quantum tries to explain. "They won't get home, but I am more than willing to hasten their journey to Sto'vo'kor!" Cpt. Klingon says. Cpt. Quantum turns to Hoshi for help with this word. "The afterlife," she whispers. "You really don't want to hurt these people. They're actually very kind. They've just had some trouble with their engines," Cpt. Quantum tells the Klingons. You really don't know what you're talking about, Quantum, because that is what Klingons really want to do, and they are not swayed by the "kindness" of strangers. Cpt. Quantum keeps babbling in this non-going-anywhere way until Cpt. Klingon vents his spleen and mine by screaming, "You're wasting my time!"