Episode Report Card Keckler: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cap'n Don't Preach
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.16.2001
Finally, T'Pol steps into action and delivers a powerful invective by reminding them of Klaang's return: "The Chancellor himself called him a man of honor, a brother. Enterprise is the ship that found Klaang and returned him to the Empire. Without Klaang, your houses would be at war with each other. Jonathan Archer is the man who carried out that rescue. You are in his debt. You would be demonstrating both honor and wisdom to grant his request." And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard! Trip, the single mother, sidles in and babbles about how he was at the ship fixing their warp reactor and discovered that they have access to amazing technology. "If you don't kill them, I'm sure they'd share it with you. Teach you how to use it." The Klingons ask him to be specific about the technology, and Trip goes on about the holographic room. "Press a few buttons and you'll be standing on a hillside overlooking Kronos," Trip says. Well, that's stupid, because you can't overlook a planet from a hillside unless the hillside is on a moon or something. Trip twits the Klingons that they'd be too afraid to go through the decompression procedures. This just gets the Klingons riled again. "If you agree to enter their vessel, I'd appreciate if you'd take my Chief Engineer with you," Cpt. Quantum says. "He talks too much," Cpt. Klingon scoffs. Amen, brother Klingon. Cpt. Quantum says that Trip was there for three days, so the Xyrillians trust him: "It'll make things a lot easier." Cpt. Klingon says he might spare the Xyrillian lives if their technology "amuses" him. Point of atrocious character continuity: I think the Klingons would be more interested in acquiring the Xyrillian stealth technology than in their holodeck. If I recall, there are certain episodes of TNG in which the Klingons make a point of deriding how much the Federation ships are built for comfort and entertainment. Cpt. Klingon says he doesn't need Trip on his mission. "There's another reason," Cpt. Quantum interjects. "Commander Tucker has some unfinished business with the Xyrillians." "I am not interested in your engineer's business," Cpt. Klingon says. Lordy, neither am I, but I have to suffer through it. Where's the rest of the case of beer? "There's a pregnancy involved," Cpt. Quantum finally says, much to the gleeful interest of the bridge crew. "I thought you said you were there to fix their warp reactor, not to impregnate one of their females. This should be a lesson to you. Forget it happened," Cpt. Klingon advises. Trip tells him it's not going to be that easy to forget and lifts up his shirt, exposing a big bruised hernia on his side. The Enterprise crew scrambles over each other to get a look while the Klingons guffaw.
Trip and the Klingons climb out of the decompression chamber, and Trip tells the Xyrillians that the Klingon captain, Vortok, will spare their ship if they can have one or two of the holographic simulators. "It would be a good idea to cooperate," Trip advises. Cpt. Vorok hands over a data chip and tells him, "This is a topographic survey of our capitol." You can read Quark files, right? Trena'l says they'd be happy to oblige, and the Klingons follow him. Ah'len tells Trip that their coils worked for six days and then went kaput. Trip explains their motivation for looking for them by lifting his shirt. He's getting good at that. Ah'len gets emotional and says, "I had no idea this could happen with another species." You know, since she said the same thing about the granules, I don't believe her story anymore. ["Seriously. It's like the Xyrillian version of 'I'll pull out in time.'" -- Sars] "I'd be real appreciative if you could get this outta me, assuming it's safe," Trip says. Ah'len scans the bruise and says, "It's still early enough that we can transfer the embryo to another host. She looks very healthy." "It's a girl, huh?" Trip says, looking at the scan. It's a little late to feign interest in "the thing," buddy boy.