Episode Report Card Keckler: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cap'n Don't Preach
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.16.2001
In Engineering, Trip gets off the lift and subsequently blasts an underling, named "Dillard," about the contraption being an accident waiting to happen. Dullard is confused. "This safety bar's a meter off the floor!" Trip shouts. "What use would it be for a small person?" "A small person?" Dullard repeats. "A short alien, a child -- this thing's a deathtrap!" Trip gets in the lift and says, "Look at this handrail," and as he pilots the lift up a bit, "if you put your hands here while it's going up or down, it'll take your fingers right off!" "Why would someone put their hands there, sir?" Dullard asks, still stumbling in a fog as to what Trip's on about. Trip suddenly realizes what he's been saying in his paternal tangent and mutters, "Never mind." That Trip, Dullard's telling everyone in the mess hall, he's such an odd fish.
Cpt. Quantum squats on a starlog and says they've been looking for the Xyrillians for eight days but have not seen hide nor plasma trail of them. Trip, wearing a maternity-esque button-down shirt rather than his uniform, walks through the mess hall, shooting looks at fellow crewmembers who appear to be looking at him and talking about him behind their hands. He enters the Captain's dining room and apologizes to Phlox and Cpt. Quantum for his lateness. Cpt. Quantum asks him how he's feeling. "I thought we all promised to keep this under wraps," Trip says agitatedly. Phlox and Cpt. Quantum both assure him they've said nothing. "I knew it," Trip says, sitting down, "she probably let it slip the minute she left sick bay." Phlox points out that T'Pol promised to keep his condition a secret. "Where I'm from, Vulcans aren't known for keeping their promises," Trip says. Cpt. Quantum asks him if he has any real reason for believing that T'Pol dished on him. "All you have to do is see the way they whisper," Trip says, gesturing to the mess hall behind him, "talk behind my back. You know what happened this morning? Ensign Hart pulled out my chair for me! I'm telling you it's T'Pol and you can be sure it was intentional. [Can you blame her? I mean, you did threaten to cut her in half last week.] What's that?" Trip appears easily distracted by food. Cpt. Quantum tells him it's chicken tetrazzini, and Trip dumps the lot of it onto his plate. "Did you cut yourself?" Cpt. Quantum asks him, looking at his wrist. "I wish," Trip says. "I don't want to ruin your appetites, but take a look at this." He pulls off a bandage and shows that the first nipple has grown an aureole and now he has a second nubbin started. "Jest how many of these am I gonna grow?" Trip asks. "And while we're on the subject, are they gonna go away afterward?" "One would think," Phlox tells him. "Then again, I have no experience with this species." My advice is that Trip trot right out and snag himself a breast pump. I'm sure T'Pol has one he can borrow. Though hers is likely set to "in" rather than "out."