Episode Report Card Potes: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT By the Short Hairs
By Potes | Season 17 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.21.2011
It's Bianca's turn to fellate processed meat, and she tells Laura that if she walks on set during her shoot, they won't be roommates anymore. Laura looks perturbed, or maybe some of her features are just still stuck together from all the barbeque sauce. Bianca wastes no time hiking a leg up and opening her mouth really wide. Holy shit, you guys. Jay tells us that Bianca was his big surprise of the day, because it felt like there was a sense of "I am this brand." I guess eating a hot dog candidly on film involves a lack of pretense regarding its implication for pork fetishists.
I almost just blew by the footage of the hair and makeup folks backstage, but luckily I happened to pause upon the greatest-named glam squad team member of all time: one Mr. Craig Beaglehole. I repeat: Beaglehole.
It's kind of a letdown to go from La Beaglehole to Dominique, but here we are. She's a survivor, she's not gonna give up, she's gonna work harder, she's gonna eat that hot dog. Allison opens her wide eyes even wider as she maws on her dog. Trust me when I say that it's very unique. Then there's Sheena. Her unexpected twist on a Pink's hot dog involves adding rose petals. This isn't enough for Jay, who tells her that she's supposed to look unexpected when biting down on her dog. Do you REALLY want to give the impression that you found something unexpected in your food item? More unexpected than anything you'd already find in How It's Made: Hot Dogs? [To wit: hot dog soup.] Jay tells Sheena that it looks like she has to pee, and asks how she'd be eating that hot dog if she were Kim Kardashian. Sheila gets less whorish. Unexpected!
Then there's Alexandria, who steps on set crying of happiness -- happiness! -- because of how her hair turned out. She lets out a breathy wail -- of happiness! She swears! Alexandria's version of eating a hot dog with toughness involves sliding the bun down the side of her face until it almost enters her Beaglehole. Glamor with bacon, you guys! I'm surprised no one has yet thought to stick the whole dog in their cleavage and bounce around. In other news, it turns out that Kayla is typical of Alexandria fans, in that she hates her.
And then it's time for Cover Girlfriends in Action! Except this time BIANCA is being the girlfriend to Bre! She tells Bre that everybody is going to love her and her haircut, and even tousles it a little for fun. Bianca is not being candid right now, but that's okay with Bre. I have to say that I am actually confused at Bianca being nice to others. I guess Martin was right. You never know what's going to come out of her Beaglehole. Isis is next on set, eating her hot dog with inspiration. Shannon is very trustworthy with her hot dog, which means that she does not try to molest it at all. That's what I call letting a Beaglehole go to waste. And then it's Kayla's turn to be free with her hot dog. Ricky says that he wants to feel more joy from Kayla, and tells her to act like she likes it. Laura sums it all up thusly, in what is probably my favorite quote from anybody, ever: "How do you make a hot dog gay and lesbian and free?" Put it in a rainbow bun and take it to Provincetown for a week? Jay has to tell Kayla not to look completely disgusted on film. He says that she has no idea what to do, and the whole thing just didn't work.