Episode Report Card Potes: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT By the Short Hairs
By Potes | Season 17 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.21.2011
Sheena is next for an asshole-ripping, and Martin asks her if people find her annoying. She says that sometimes they do, and he is all, "No." He just loves to prove people wrong with his schmancy data. People do find Sheena to be sexy, but not so smart. Martin explains that people see Sheena in a different light than she sees herself. Her word is "unexpected." That is, like, the weirdest word. How are you supposed to brand yourself as being unexpected? Just show up at people's doors at odd hours? Sheena tells us that she's unexpected because in America, people don't relate Asian-Americans with their individuality. In other words, Sheena is really bad at math. All of her photos will involve her looking quizzically at a graphing calculator and, like, resting a sweaty glass of water on a cello.
Martin then asks Kayla what thing has differentiated her from all the other girls. She says, "LGBT." Well, she does have a "T" friend amongst the group, doesn't she? Martin replies, "The stuff about being lesbian, all right, was hip five, six, seven years ago. Today...so what?" He tells her that she needs to move on. That might be easier to do if they'd stop wrapping her in a fucking pride flag. Kayla is offended, because she represents ladies who love ladies, and is going to keep doing that in her brand, period. If not, she wonders, what's the purpose of being there? To win yourself some cash money, girl! And really, I think that Martin is trying to say that other interesting things about Kayla can come to the forefront, but he's being a real jerk about it. He has the air of a eunuch, so maybe any declaration of sexuality is too much for his delicate sensibilities. But really, is Kayla supposed to be like, "Oh I don't have to brand myself as a lesbian anymore? I was just WAITING for Sapphic love to stop being edgy. Somebody find me a big cock!" With this, we head into the new, crazy opening credits. It involves the girls slithering around like dirty whores, and slathering themselves in what appears to either be lipstick or menstrual blood. Hot, right?
When we return, Martin is telling Kayla that being a lesbian isn't unique. He says that she needs to reinvent herself and find something new to tell the world. Her word is "free." Well, she's not free to marry in 44 states, is she? Shut up, Lingonberry. Kayla says that she needs to sleep on the word "free" and figure out what it means to her. I think she should go full-on Free to Be... You and Me. That shit was all about growing up to be a big ole queer, anyway. Martin then tells Shannon that people think she's boring. So boring that even granny panties are too risqué! She thinks that the boring label came from the time during Season One when she said she was a virgin who didn't drink or smoke. In the words of Angelea, "What do you expect? You're boring, bitch." Shannon is, however, trustworthy, and Martin says this means that she can never lie. It's a word on a card. She can lie all she wants to. She won't though, on account of how boring and Christlike she is.