Episode Report Card Potes: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT By the Short Hairs
By Potes | Season 17 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.21.2011
Sheena is next, in another jumpsuit. I think that her photo is super cute, but Nigel says that it's not at all unexpected or exciting. Tyra says that Sheena has a lot more flavor and effervescence than comes through in the photo, which feels a bit safe. The bitch should have smeared guacamole on her clavicle. Next is Angelea, with her photo of persistence. ALT says that she could be Liz Taylor or a young Sophia Loren or Milania Trump. Nigel says that it's believable, cute and endearing, and certainly persistent. How is it persistent? She's standing there with the dregs of a hot dog bun! Then we have Lisa, who is daringly wearing American flag pants. Nigel says that her hair looks great, which is a total lie. The judges love Lisa's photo. I actually think that the photo is great except for the focal point, which is her wide-open Beaglehole stuffed with chewed food. People: that is fucking disgusting. It's all yellow-green and shit in there too. It looks like she's just taken a big bite of baby poop, which is also dribbling down her chin. Gaze upon your high-fashion mogul, right here.
Bre is next, and the judges love her new look. It does look much better than earlier. Tyra says that Bre looks sad, and Bre replies that she was nervous, but is okay now that the judges have complimented her hair. Nigel wishes that she had walked down the runway with confidence, and Tyra is confused at how serene and soft Bre is. Bre says that when she was first on the show, she was an energetic, spunky teenager. Now she's more reserved, and says that she can't give the judges 19 anymore. She can, however, give them a great 25. Ashlee is all like, "Look at me! I'm 26 and still a doofus!" Tyra tells Bre that sad is not good, unless it's her word. So if they gave her "sad," it would be okay? Really? Tyra really likes Bre's girlfriend photo, but Nigel wants to see a sparkle in her eye -- both in her photos and at judging.
The judges deliberate. Dominique is believable and authentic. Camille is not proud enough in her photo, and too pageant-y generally. Nigel and Ashlee love Laura's porn face. Isis's photo is overreached and overcrotched. Bre nailed her shot, but is sparkles and sad in person. Allison's photo has a quirky charm. Sheena is uninspiring, though her jumpsuits have been unexpected. Alexandria's photo is good, but not tough. Ashlee thinks that Bianca is the prettiest girl there. Angelea looks very Euro and not at all like her ghetto self. Lisa's photo is disgusting, but the judges love it anyway. Shannon is classic and beautiful, but you wouldn't necessarily want to share a hot dog with her. Kayla is not free in her picture, nor as a person, but is capable of more. The judges have reached a decision, but we're not out yet. Instead, Tyra grabs a pair of clippers from under her desk and tells Nigel that his long hair is off-brand. She shaves a stripe right in the middle of his head, which makes him look like the giantest mentally challenged perv you've ever seen. It's sort of like his true soul came to light for just this moment.