Episode Report Card Potes: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT By the Short Hairs
By Potes | Season 17 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.21.2011
The Jays tell the girls that they're going SO BIG this all-star season that they'll actually get mani-pedis and skin care. WOW. Hopefully that means Botox for some of them. The girls head to the TY-Over salon, and Miss J. asks Alexandria what she thinks is going to happen. She gets total crazy eyes as she says she's ready for anything. In that case, Miss J. tells her, she's getting it chopped. Alexandria's mouth smiles, but the rest of her face looks...shiny and medicated. She just does not know how to be a human being. Ashlee claims that a short cut will help Alexandria stand out. Meanwhile, Bianca and Isis get weaves. Oh, wait. Human OED Bianca tells Isis, "Weave is like a ghetto word. You supposed to say extensions. Weave sounds tacky...Weave is tacky, and you are tacky, so you are weave. I am extensions." She's just, like, a shining beacon to humanity. In the dark sea of currently reality programming, where even The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is depressing, Bianca is our lighthouse, calling us across the waves to solid, stanky ground. She is our candle on the water. God bless, candid lady.
Meanwhile, Sheena is nervous because the last time she got a TY-Over a big chunk of her hair fell out. Miss J. tells her that she's getting her hair cut to the extreme, and we head to commercials. But! When we come back, he tells her he was just kidding. His value/brand is "kidder." To wit, he says he's full of shit as a Christmas turkey. Sheena is relieved, because she didn't expect the unexpected. Or did she? What exactly would be unexpected in TY-Overs at this point? Shaving someone bald and then making them wear an old Italian man's toupee? Bianca and Ashlee talk for a while about haircuts and personality, and it's so annoring. Jay then tells Bre that her hair is looking a little poufy (as you may recall Nicki Minaj mentioning on more than one occasion), and so they're going to cut it a bit shorter on the sides. He tells her that it's not going to be anything extreme, and Bre says that it's no problem.
Somebody else, however, is currently having a problem. Lisa is in for a much shorter cut, and even though she's having her hair done by salon owner Yoshi Hagiwara, she is not pleased. She notes that she's getting married in two months, and clearly would like to keep the long hair. I actually thought that was a wig this whole time! It doesn't look remotely like real hair. Yoshi tells her that she's hiding herself. He doesn't understand that that's a good thing. Meanwhile, Alexandria starts undergoing the chopping. She's always had long hair, and usually bangs to cover up her big-ass forehead. At the first cut, she starts squealing. Isis tells us that she was being overly dramatic and, true to form, annoring. Dominique adds that Alexandria's overwrought display of happiness proves that she's a natural actress. Lisa, however, has no pretense of happiness. She calls Jay over, and asks if he knows how long it takes to grow an inch. He's all, "Do you know how long it takes you to stop looking like a dowdy housewife?" That shuts her up but good.