Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 173 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Never Was There A Tale Of More Woe!
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 5 | Aired on 2003.10.19
[72 virg=ins], only they've renamed it "Anthony's" at some point in the last five years. Inside, a red-shirted, weary waiter who looks like the love child of Boris Karloff and Humphrey Bogart takes Piper's unnecessarily complicated order. How unnecessarily complicated, you ask? Try this: "I'll have the salmon and fusilli with the eggplant, and can you make sure they use basil and not Italian parsley, and could you ask them to sauté the eggplant lightly, and also grill the salmon after the pasta is done? That way it won't dry out." Boris Bogart rolls his eyes as she obnoxiously natters on about the proper way to prepare her meal, then exits with a sigh of relief once she's finally shut up. The Non-Amazing Eel Man wiggles his eyebrows. "What?" Piper demands. "Nothing," shrugs The Non-Amazing Eel. "I just never dated an ex-chef before." "Was I being too picky?" Piper asks. GOD yes. Christ. I can't imagine the nasty things that poor, harassed waiter is doing to your food right now to get even with you, honey. Well, actually I can, because I used to wait tables myself, and sweet Jesus did we do some revolting things to the food meant for customers we hated. Do not piss off the waitrons, people. Anyway, Piper and The Non-Amazing Eel engage in nervous first-date chatter, and I could not care less about this situation if I tried, so let's cut to the chase: My mud-spattered husband discreetly orbs into the curtained service area where Humphrey Karloff's molesting Piper's seared salmon, and motors on over to her table. Piper's shocked and appalled. By Big Gay Chris's entrance, I mean. She hasn't tried that fish yet. Speaking of fish, The Non-Amazing Eel asks, "Who is this?" "Me?" Big Chris perks, cocking a brow. "I'm from the future." Piper bugs out her eyes, hastily excuses herself, and drags Big Chris off to the side to tear him a new one. As he's dragged out of the frame, Big Chris sort of catches the tip of his tongue between his front teeth and shoots The Non-Amazing Eel Man a look that says, "I will always be pretty, and you will always be a loser, asshole." Also, Part Check: It's a little off-center, and his hair's hanging lankly down either side of his face from the crown of his head. Wow. I just realized that tracking the vagaries of my husband's hair has been far more entertaining than anything Piper's done this evening. Anyway, back to the scene. "You're not serious about that guy, are you?" Big Chris snits. Piper flusters a response before retorting, "You know what? That's none of your business." Eyeing his filthy clothes, she snaps, "Where have you been?" "That's none of your business, MOM," Big Chris snots back. Changing the subject, he advises, "You better get home before your sisters kill each other." It takes barely a moment for Piper to guess what's wrong. "Phoebe?" she sighs. Big Chris nods his head grimly. Piper glances back at The Non-Amazing Eel. Smell ya later, dork.