Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Blinded by the Dolt
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.24.2001
Phoebe's boudoir. She shouts for The Human Dildo once more, glaring up at the ceiling. He orbs in behind her and startles her when he speaks. I guess Phoebe was too addled to, you know, actually hear the sound of him orbing in or something. Anyway, she makes him promise that what she's about to tell him is between him, her, and the wall. He agrees. Hemming and hawing as they sit on her bed. Phoebe finally tells him that Cole is still alive. The Human Dildo gapes as Phoebe fills him in on the details. Finally, he rises and launches into a predictable rant about the threat Cole represents to the sisters' well-being. Phoebe mentions The Human Dildo's familiarity with "forbidden love." The Human Dildo replies that her situation with Cole in no way parallels his own with Piper, and wonders what she hoped to gain from telling him all this. She replies, "Your guidance and support." He whines that his "guidance and support is what got [her] into this mess." He notes he can't begin to think of a way to "fix this," and storms out of the room. Phoebe looks lonesome and forlorn on her bed. Or vacant. Your choice.
In the hall, The Human Dildo suddenly staggers against the wall in pain. Phoebe rushes out as he drops to his knees, moaning and clutching his stomach in agony. As Piper and Prue enter, he reveals that he's feeling some random witch's pain, and the random witch is not one of his charges. His next howl of pain blends into the howl of the witch in question as the shot cuts to a clearing in a park. Beavis is twisting a dagger into her stomach. Cut back to the hall, where The Human Dildo rises to state that they have to help her. Cut back to the clearing, where Beavis tells the Witchkebab he does not intend to kill her; he just wants her Whitelighter to show up. The Witchkebab rocks back and forth in pain as we cut back to the hall. Piper wonders why the Witchkebab's Whitelighter isn't helping her. The Human Dildo begins to orb off to the Witchkebab's aid, but Prue stops him. She's figured out Beavis's plan. He intends to kill a Whitelighter with the Darklighter's purloined crossbow, thereby obtaining the Whitelighter's powers. Natalie orbs in at that moment to confirm Prue's suspicions. If Beavis snatches the power to orb from an unfortunate Whitelighter, he can then enter Heaven and kill everyone up there. This would leave all of the forces of good unprotected. All Whitelighters have been recalled, their power to orb temporarily blocked. Natalie and The Human Dildo are to remain on Earth to help the Ps vanquish Beavis. Finally, a real crisis in this episode.
As the five in the manor let all of this sink in, the shot cuts back to the clearing. The Witchkebab lies on her back, twitching and gasping from the gaping wound in her torso. Beavis wonders "what sort of lame Whitelighter" she has, leaving her there to die. The Witchkebab guesses that TPTB are on to Beavis's diabolical plan, and her Whitelighter therefore will not be showing up any time soon. He supposes she's right, and slimes that, that being the case, he no longer needs her. Cut to an overhead shot of Beavis raising the dagger above his head, then a cut back to the manor as the Witchkebab screams. The five are walking down the stairs, and The Human Dildo staggers and nearly looses his footing as the scream continues. "He's killed her," he notes. Prue accusingly tosses a "what does your rule book say to do now?" at Natalie. Natalie blinks, looking lost, as we head out for another commercial.