Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Blinded by the Dolt
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.24.2001
Kitchen. The sisters assess the situation, noting that they should be writing a necessarily-complicated vanquishing spell instead of waiting for Natalie to give them their marching orders. Piper wants it all over with fast, as her "boyfriend is one of the only two targets" left on the planet. A Cole Guilt Goggle from Phoebe, and we cut to the parlor. The sisters enter and ask Natalie to leave, as they wish to speak with The Human Dildo in private. The Human Dildo reveals that Natalie is taking over as their guardian for the duration. He feels that Natalie is correct in her assertion that he has been allowing his emotions to cloud his judgment. The Ps protest, but The Human Dildo insists. He kisses Piper goodbye, then orbs out to join the Whitelighter lockdown. An uneasy silence follows as the Ps wait for Natalie to make the first move. She does, telling them that they should now direct their collective attention on the warlock to be vanquished. Prue asks if they're allowed "a moment to process" what has just happened. Natalie basically says no, telling them they must "prepare [themselves] for battle -- mentally, physically, sartorially." Phoebe doesn't know what "sartorially" means. Piper tells Phoebe that Natalie's talking about their clothes. Time for the line from the promo. Natalie: "No more braless, strapless, [pause] fearless attire." Prue, glancing down at her tits: "Okay, but then I have nothing to wear." I laugh. Again. Thanks for the shout-out, Brad. Natalie's not having it, though: the scene ends with the deadpan look of rejection on her face.
SkyCam On Crack, tooling over the bay towards the city as night falls. In some sort of abandoned warehouse, Natalie leads the camouflage-and-sweats-clad Halliwells through a series of tai-chi-like exercises. Prue's lacy pink bra peeks out from beneath her scoop-neck shirt. Natalie makes like a drill sergeant, shouting "platitudes," as Phoebe notes, into the sisters' faces. They include "The will to win is the will to prepare to win" and "You're only as good as your last vanquish." As Natalie tiresomely carries on in this vein, a little southern redneck accent creeps into her speech. She sounds like Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes.
Natalie announces that their primary objective is to get the purloined crossbow away from Beavis. If they manage to vanquish Beavis as well, that's good, too. She tells them to imagine that she's "the enemy." Prue, as Phoebe perkily claps her hands in the background: "Oh, that is way too easy." Natalie smiles briefly, then tells them to tell her how they plan to separate Beavis from the crossbow. They run through a couple of scenarios, all of which Natalie shoots down. Phoebe complains that they can't think like this. They have no idea how the situation will play out for real, and it's better, in her opinion, to rely on their instincts. Natalie tells them to "think with [their] brains, not with [their] glands." This is followed by a brief training action sequence. Prue scales a wall. Phoebe levitates. Piper does a couple of backflips. Natalie out-maneuvers them every time.