Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Blinded by the Dolt
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.24.2001
Manor dining room. The Dolt sits at the table as Piper serves him pancakes and strawberries. She's rattling off her agenda for the day: lunch with a reporter from the Chronicle for an article on the club, followed by a meeting with "some dot-com guys" who are interested in setting up a website for her. She then asks the Dolt what he'll be up to. The Dolt tells her he can't tell her. Again. For the third time this episode. Piper bitches some more about "the stupid Whitelighter ordinance[s]" they seem to keep running up against while I create a macro for "Piper bitches," because that's all she seems capable of doing at the moment, and I'm getting tired of typing it out. The Dolt reminds Piper they're still "on probation," and therefore have to watch their behavior, or The Powers That Be will never allow the two to marry. Piper bitches. The Dolt reassures. They move in for a kiss as Large Marge orbs in behind them. The startled Dolt greets Large Marge as "Natalie." Natalie tells Piper and the Dolt that there's trouble a-brewin' in San Francisco, and shows them the dagger. Prue hustles in from the kitchen at that moment, noting that she heard a noise. She spots Natalie and the dagger and screams, "Athemay! Athemay!" as she pounces up ferally on the table to begin the smackdown. The Dolt tells Prue to back off and introduces Natalie to the gals, explaining that he and Natalie "were rookies together" in Whitelighterland. They also "fought together in World War II," despite the fact that women of the era were not assigned combat roles. Idiot.
Natalie tells the Dolt to pipe down. She's not there to pay a "social call," she says, and fills them in on the untimely demise of Patty Hearst. Patty was Natalie's "most powerful charge," and now Beavis has her power of deflection. Prue wonders if that means Beavis can deflect the sisters' powers. Natalie confirms this, and adds that "all Whitelighters have been put on alert." All save the Dolt, who missed that morning's mandatory staff meeting. He claims he had to bail on it to heal Piper's finger. I know Whitelighterland operates on a different timeframe from Earth, so I'm inclined to let slide the fact that the sequence of events as shown is entirely out of order with how they're being discussed. Natalie "will assume a demon attacked Piper's finger," reminding us all that Whitelighters are only to apply their special tingly touches under such situations. The Dolt claims the Charmed Ones "deserve special attention." Natalie raises an eyebrow and snarks that she's "heard rumors about such 'special attention,'" and while I want to smile at that, the soup I had for lunch threatens to hurl itself out of my mouth at the thought of what that "special attention" really involves.
Natalie and the Dolt fight in a language Prue guesses is "Whitelighter-ese." The sounds they make are a series of clicking noises that make them sound like Starvin' Marvin from South Park. At one point, Natalie inserts a "Piper" into the middle of all the clicking, so the Ps know whom the argument is about. Prue tells the two they're free to carry on bitching each other out while she heads to the attic to do a little Beavis research in the Book of Shadows.