Episode Report Card Demian: C | 3 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Kill Bimbo: Vol. 2
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.13.2006
The Travelogue Testicle would like to say it again: We were cursed from the stah-art. I'm sure he'd impart other such pearls of wit and erudition were he able to ENUNCIATE ALREADY. Shut up, Testicle. The Opening Travelogue itself is endless, including as it does side trips to Treasure Island, Oakland, Alcatraz, and Marin County, but it's very, very pretty. Wish I could say the same for what follows it. After the camera cross-fades to the Manor's façade, it fades once more to take in Maggot Neck picking her unsightly way through the rubble left over from last week's Halliwell-banishing fireball up in the nonexistent attic. Ssssecretly Evil Chrissssty enters from the upper stairs and wonders where all the Stoopid Magikal Kreatures went. "[Kern couldn't afford them now that Krausssse issss back on the sssshow]," The Ultimate Retard hissssssssessss, "sssso I sssent them home. I thought they'd be ssssafer away from ussss." Chrissssty's pissed, Maggot Neck'ssss having ssssecond thoughtssss, Desssstiny issss mentioned, and BORING. Is there a point to this scene? There is? All the way at the end, you say? Then by all means, let's fast-forward to the point where Chrissssty craftily reveals that Fugly Rufus "thinks [she and Maggot Neck] should use vanquishing potions next time" on The Manor Morons. The Ultimate Retard is shocked and appalled at the very idea. Or, you know, whatever the hell she is when she stands there all gape-eyed and slackjawed and oddly proportioned and maggoty-necked and gross, and thank God for Stoop, who hearts into the nonexistent room at this point from places unknown.
Stoop warily greets The Sisters Retard, shoots a suspicious side-eye at the shattered glass still littering the floor, and wonders what gives. The Retards prevaricate until Chrissssty changes the topic by too-casually inquiring as to the purpose of Stoop's visit. Stoop's looking for the Feebs, of course. He's worried because he hasn't heard from her since last night at The Hagquarters where, he reminds the audience but reveals to Maggot Neck, "someone put her under a spell." Chrissssty darts a foul glance at her sister at this, but The Ultimate Retard appears oblivious to the implications of the revelation. Go figure. Stoop, picking up on Chrissssty's ssssecretly evil vibes, allows his voice to trail off before shrugging his shoulders -- his remarkably broad shoulders that are currently working that powder-blue, long-sleeved t-shirt of his to death -- and asking The Sisters Retard to have Phoebe give him a shout the next time they see her. Chrissssty plasters a massively fake smile across her face and assures him they'll pass along the message before adding, "And you do the same. We're looking for her, too." Stoop offers them a nervous little half smile, blinks at the stained-glass shards sprayed across the carpet one more time, and hearts on out of there. Maggot Neck instantly wheelssss on her ssssisssster, hissssssssing ssssomething about the sssspell Phoebe wassss under, but neither Chrissssty nor I can stand listening to the bimbonic bitch, so we plunge into the white flare that envelops the screen, from which I emerge in...
...the Underworld. I have no idea where Chrissssty went. Then again, I don't care, because CANCELLED! Piper deploys the Mighty Hands Of Discontent to start a warmth-giving fire in some random underground cavern before hunkering down next to it -- thereby cunningly concealing her midsection to disguise the fact that Holly Marie Combs is, by now, fifty-three months pregnant -- and grumbling, "We can't keep playing Survivor: Underworld much longer." The ladies strategize, and it's all so terribly dull and unimportant, save for the moment when Phoebe acknowledges she no longer harbors qualms regarding Piper's whole Death-To-The-Retards plan. "Are you sure you can do it -- I mean, really do it?" a disbelieving Piper replies. "Can you kill them?" "Ya!" Phoebe duhs. "They're no different from demons now, not after all of this." Piper and Raige exchange Looks Fraught With Significance as a trio of actual demons squiggles into the cavern to hurl Flaming Balls Of Death at our resourceful heroines, who respond accordingly. That is to say, Piper deploys the Hands to vanquish both the first FBOD and the demon who threw it, Raige uses her orbing telekinesis to redirect the second demon's FBOD into the torso of the third, and Phoebe loiters around uselessly in the background while the second demon squiggles away. As the ladies dart from the chamber, tonight's primary henchdemon squiggles in to examine their fleeing derrieres as the screen flares white to boot us up to...