Episode Report Card Demian: C | 3 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Kill Bimbo: Vol. 2
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.13.2006
The camera cuts to take in the façade of Daddy Dearest Victor (Jones) Bennett's wood-frame condominium building, which I've just now noticed has a series of solar panels on the roof. How nice for them. Up in his apartment, the oft-mentioned-but-little-seen-this-season Victor's playing Candyland with his dead-eyed and bemulleted mutant freak of a psychotic grandson, while poor, neglected, and doomed Tiny Gay Chris sways apprehensively back and forth within the confines of his product-placed playpen in the background of the shot. Victor foolishly taunts The Psycho, who needs a double red to win the game. Victor, sweetie. LET THE FREAK WIN. Seriously. Do you really want your entrails splattered across the ceiling? Because that's what's going to happen when The Dead-Eyed Psycho loses. And wouldn't you know it? The Psycho draws a single blue. As I cringe in anticipation of Victor's violent slaughter at the hands of his elder grandson, the card vanishes in a tiny cloud of orbs, only to be replaced by the necessary double red. Tiny Gay Chris, you see, has finally come into his mojo, and swapped in the winning card to save his grandfather's life. I'd find all of this cute were I not convinced The Psycho's just toying with both of them. Also, you know, there's that whole thing about me hating children on television working against the cuteness factor as well. Pity. Not.
Just then, Stoop hearts into the room. Victor, panicked, orders The Dead-Eyed Psycho to orb into the product-placed playpen. The wicked child obeys, then erects that shimmery protective shield of his around both himself and his ultimately doomed younger brother, despite the fact that Snidely destroyed The Dead-Eyed Psycho's shimmery protective shield two goddamned years ago, but WHATEVER! because CANCELLED! Meanwhile, Daddy Dearest's grabbed a poker from the fireplace and now wields the thing as a bludgeon while ordering Stoop to heart his tantalizing ass right the hell out of there. Or something like that. After endless amounts of stupidity during which Stoop finally convinces Victor he's not a threat, there follows an endlessly chatty scene in which...totally not caring, here. Stoop blathers on and on and on about his passion for the Feebs, which makes me want to hurl, and Daddy Dearest mutters darkly about the crap he and his daughters have had to endure for the last eight years because of that whole Charmed-Ones stuff, like, try recapping it, buddy, and the upshot of the scene is...absolutely nothing? Okay. Play it that way if you want, Kern. Just be sure to wake me up when something starts happening already.