Episode Report Card Demian: C | 2 USERS: D+ YOU GRADE IT Kill Bimbo: Vol. 2
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.13.2006
...All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me. A skinny little guy who looks exactly -- exactly -- like a twentysomething Kevin Kline slides through the swinging glass doors from the exterior hallway to flick his eyes around the main room. He's clad entirely in black, sports some wickedly stupid facial hair, and, as we shall shortly learn, speaks with a British accent, so we know he must be Eeevil. The mystery gent ambles entirely unmolested through the swarming reporters to Phoebe's office, where he starts rifling through her inbox. "Excuse me," Elise Rothman, Girl Editor testily opens the instant she spots him. "Can I help you?" Busted, the mystery gent allows a brief expression of annoyance to wash across his face before he turns to greet her, spilling out some lie about being "a long-term admirer" of "Miss Halliwell" that makes him seem like a creepy stalker. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Elise frosts, and for a second, here, I'm certain he's going to respond to that by dusting her icy ass with a Flaming Ball Of Death. Instead, he apologetically lowers his gaze and eases past her to leave. Elise almost visibly shudders with some vague and distressing sensation of distaste as he passes by, and before he disappears, he turns to freak her further with, "It's just that she's not been back to her condo for a couple of weeks, nor to her sister's house, and I can't seem to find her anywhere." "I'm just a little concerned, that's all," he continues in a tone that reaches for, but doesn't quite grasp, solicitous apprehension. "Aren't you?" he finishes, pointedly staring her down. Elise manages to keep her eyes locked on his, but collapses into a worried sigh the instant he's strolled away.
Out on the Paramount backlot, the Kline-alike strides down the sidewalk with the henchdemon from two scenes ago, and I'm just going to cheat and look up their goddamned names, because we never hear them during the course of the hour. Kline-alike Nomed -- and do you get it? No, seriously, do you get it? Because I can stop this recap right here so you can haul your computer monitor over to a mirror and look at this page in reverse. No, it's no problem. I'll just sit here until...what's that? You're good? Well, okay then. Let's keep this moving -- asks henchdemon Zohar if the latter's certain the Charmed Ones are running around the Underworld. Zohar confirms this, and wonders what Nomed wants with our intrepid heroines. Long, long, long story short, Nomed plans to enlist the gals' aid in destroying The Zombie Triad once and for all. Zohar -- much like, oh, the entire viewing audience, sorely diminished though that viewing audience might be -- was under the impression The Zombie Triad had already been vanquished twice, but Nomed reveals his "old mentors" "always resurrect sooner or later, first in spirit form, then completely." Uh, sure, dude. We'll go with that, I suppose, because WHATEVER! and CANCELLED! It's all part of the neverending power struggle down in Hell, you see. Nomed and others of his "generation" can't duke it out over control of the Underworld until the last of the old guard goes bye-bye, and I'm sure I'd find all of this remarkably fascinating were this wretched and godforsaken show not ending next week. Well, that's not exactly true. I'd never find any of this remotely fascinating, ever. Is this scene over yet? It is? Excellent.