Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 8 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Something Bitchy This Way Comes
By Demian | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.06.1998
Elsewhere, Phoebe pedals her bike down a mostly-deserted street. As she approaches an intersection, she's whacked in the face by a free-floating black-and-white premonition, which is totally wrong because she has to handle an object in order to see the future. I think. In any event, the vision involves two skate punks getting smacked by a car. Sounds like a good start, if you ask me. Phoebe, however, begs to differ. When she spots the exact same skate punks being approached by the exact same car, she shrieks, "No!" and purposely wipes out in the middle of the intersection so that never the punks and the car shall meet. Kit eyes the action from a nearby tree, his triquatra medallion glinting in the sunlight. "Meow," quoth the cat. Um, okay, Kit. I can go along with that, I suppose. Commercials.
The time has shifted to early evening. Prue enters a hospital and asks the nurse at the front desk for Phoebe's whereabouts. Riiiiight. An unemployed slacker dimwit with no health insurance and no savings is going to head to the ER because she fell off her bike. Whatever, Connie. This scene exists solely to have Prue run into Andy Trudeau, who's there for the coroner's report on the eviscerated blonde. Detective Andy smiles a lot during this exchange, and his lipless rictus is freaking me out. It doesn't help that his smiles rarely make it all the way up to his eyes. As both the coroner and Phoebe are otherwise occupied, Prue and Andy decide to flirt and banter over some tepid coffee from the machine in the lobby. They clearly have some sort of history together, but that history is never discussed in detail. We do learn that Andy's a third-generation police officer who recently returned to San Francisco from Portland, and that his first task upon reaching the Bay Area was to check up on Prue. You can hear the moisture soaking Prue's panties.
Random restaurant. Prue and Phoebe sit at the bar with a shot of tequila and a coffee, respectively. Phoebe attempts to convince Prue that the prophecy foretold in the Book of Shadows has come true, and fails miserably. "Phoebe," Prue states, "I do not have special powers. Now, where is the cream?" A silver creamer scrapes across the bar on its own to settle next to Prue's glass coffee cup, and milk presently blooms therein. Mind you, the milk doesn't leap from the creamer into the cup -- it just sort of appears. Neat effect, but the method of transfer makes no sense given the nature of Prue's telekinesis. "That looks pretty special to me," Phoebe snarks. Prue gapes. "I can move things with my mind?" she gasps. "With how much you hold inside," Phoebe replies, "I'm surprised you're not a lethal weapon by now." I'd comment, but we all know Alyssa was the one who eventually had Shannen iced and not the other way around, so let's just move this along. Phoebe idly supposes that Piper must be able to manipulate the molecular structure of objects, thereby freezing them or blowing them up as she sees fit as Prue snatches the shot of tequila and downs it. Or maybe Phoebe said that Piper could freeze time. "Are you okay?" she asks Prue. "No, I'm not okay," Prue shoots back. "You've turned me into a witch!" I'm sure Jennie Garth and Ashley Hamilton could present a convincing case that Shannen was a witch long before the WB gave Spelling the go-ahead to film this pilot, but you already knew that, didn't you? Phoebe notes that the Halliwells were born witches, and suggests Prue start dealing with that fact.