Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 8 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Something Bitchy This Way Comes
By Demian | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.06.1998
Cut to the colonnaded façade of a museum. I think the sign out front identifies it as the "American Museum of Natural History," but the tape's a little blurry, so it could be the Armenian Mutant of Neutered Histrionics for all I know. Inside, in what appears to be a cataloguing area, a WASPy gentleman with little John Lennon reading glasses informs Prue that, thanks to her efforts at obtaining corporate sponsorship, the "Beals artifacts" are becoming a part of the museum's permanent collection. How much money does the upkeep of some tatty legwarmers and a few ripped-up sweatshirts require? Maybe the welding equipment is driving up the cost. Unfortunately for Prue, the board of trustees has decided to place the collection in the hands of "someone more qualified." Namely, this particular anemic WASP. The Prueminator is -- wait for it -- pissed, and lets the anemic WASP have it with both barrels. She rages that without her work, the Mutant would never have obtained the legwarmers in the first place. The anemic WASP shrugs that he couldn't very well say no to the board's offer, and besides, the appointment is good for him. "What's good for me is definitely good for you, right, Miss Halliwell?" he adds with an odd blend of stuffy formality and false amity. You know, just like any fuckstain of a boss with a fencepost up his ass would do. He gestures in her face with a fountain pen. Prue glares at the pen as if snatching it from his fingers and jamming it into his eye would be her best course of action at this juncture. Setting her murderous thoughts aside, she chooses instead to attack his manner of address. "'Miss Halliwell'?" she repeats frostily. She wonders if the first-name basis thing they cultivated ended when they stopped sleeping with each other, or if that happened when she returned his engagement ring. A-ha. This is Roger, the anemic, two-timing, chardonnay-guzzling, WASPy fiancé. Prue was engaged to this wimp? Please. She's got chunks of guys like him in her stool. He leers over the reference to their sexual history, she calls him a bastard, he tries to apologize "to avoid a lawsuit," and she shoots daggers at him with her eyes. As she clomps away, Roger's fountain pen bursts in his shirt pocket, and a blossom of ink stains the fabric. When he uncaps the pen to examine it, the pen blows up in his face. The tinkly chimes on the soundtrack let us know this is an example of passive-aggressive telekinetic bitchcraft, rather than shoddy workmanship.