Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 8 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Something Bitchy This Way Comes
By Demian | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.06.1998
Meanwhile, across town, Samantha was trying not to gag on her film-editor boyfriend's funky-tasting...oops. Sorry. Carrie Bradshaw moment, don't you know. Piper's actually whipping up her audition recipe at a restaurant in "North Beach." It appears to be penne pasta with some sort of tomato-based cream sauce. As she measures out a bit of the port Jeremy sent her, some toad with a fake Gallic accent enters the kitchen to announce that her time is up. This tool is odious, and the actor is a talent-free douchebag who's not even cute, so I'm going to skip ahead to the relevant bit. Piper hasn't had a chance to blend the port into the sauce, so she's about to be royally screwed when this idiot tastes it. She splutters and gasps and yelps and tosses her hands out in front of her. The toad freezes with a bit of the pasta on a fork halfway to his mouth. Piper titters nervously and calls out his name a couple of times as she waves her hand in front of his face. She's wearing black nail polish, by the way, which is another character quirk that got lost in subsequent seasons. Piper eventually realizes the toad is indeed frozen, and so sucks up some port with a baster, which she uses to dribble a couple of drops onto the piece of penne. The toad unfreezes, tastes the pasta, and loves it. Piper has no clue what the fuck just happened, but she appears to have a new job. Though why she'd work for this asshole is beyond me.
Over at the Armenian Mutant of Neurasthenic Histrionics, Roger the anemic WASPy fuckstain is bragging about the Beals artifacts on the phone in his office. He's changed his shirt. Prue enters in time to overhear him claiming her achievements as his own. Long story short, she quits on the spot, giving no notice. Which, if you ask me, she should have done back when she broke off her engagement to her boss. Another reason why you should never date co-workers, kids. Don't shit where you eat. Roger makes with the threats, but Prue's all, "Be gone! You have no powers here!" As she exits, the anemic fuckstain hollers with great self-importance, "I hope there are no office supplies in your purse!" Out in the hall, Prue makes a strangling motion with her hands. In the office, Roger's tie immediately tightens to choke him. He fumbles around for a pair of scissors and cuts off the tie, but I was too busy noticing that I own the exact same lamp the fuckstain has on his desk.
Over in "North Beach," Piper dials the Manor on a payphone and pleads desperately with Phoebe to answer. There's no response, so Piper slams her way out of the booth without even retrieving her quarter and runs smack into Jeremy. He wanted to be the first to congratulate her on her new job, and throws out a single entendre about Piper's "work." She claims that it turns her on when he talks about food. They get schmoopy as he oozes, "Hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza," and this was a hell of a lot funnier when it was John Cleese shouting "GLASNOST!" at Jamie Lee Curtis while she sucked on her fingers and dry-humped a rope.