Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 238 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Blondes and Bombshells
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2002.10.29
Actually, the "someone" screaming was a little blonde girl playing with her daddy. The little girl runs up the stairs of her home, runs into a bedroom, and hides under the covers. The bedroom turns out to be SpawnOfKiefer's. She's the kid's live-in nanny, and she's wearing a pink sleeveless top. Oh, by the way? Speaking of nannies? Read The Nanny Diaries, if you haven't already. It's awesome. "I'm hiding from Daddy!" says the little girl gleefully. That line is actually a foreshadowing of bad things to come, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I mean, how bad could this daddy be if he's taking time out of his busy day beating and psychologically torturing his wife to spend some quality time with his daughter? Jeez, I'm getting ahead of myself again. DaddyStopTouchingMe enters, and he's not too hard on the eyes. He looks like a young Dennis Quaid. He and JonBenet horse around joyfully on Spawn's bed until JonBenet gets away and runs out. DaddyStopTouchingMe remains, staring at Spawn as she brushes her teeth in the adjoining bathroom. Spawn catches a strange vibe from him. JonBenet calls him over to continue playing with her. He exits. Tinkle tinkle tinkle goes the scary Lifetime movie piano.
Back at Lake Oswego, the President's team is preparing to transport the President to wherever it is you go when there's a national emergency. Palmer apologizes to Theo about the fact that they didn't get to spend any time together. I hope that's a meta statement about how "little" time we have to spend with Theo this season. Plus, hopefully, we're not going to hear a peep out of Nicole. "We'll get there," promises Palmer. Palmer's new aide -- let's just call her AsianPatty for now -- apologizes to Palmer about the fact that the time with his son was cut short, and informs him that the emergency "looks bad." Palmer gets into a Ford Explorer, and they take off. Well, I just hope that when and if our country is under threat of nuclear attack, they'll drive our real president to safety in a Ford vehicle. It's really the only kind of car that is appropriate for such an important errand.