Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 238 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Blondes and Bombshells
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2002.10.29
The time is 08:49:25 AM. No commercial. More bleu cheese and a round of Diet Cokes for table seventeen. Klockwise from the top left, Nina 2.0 kontinues to brief Kief, Spawn keeps JonBenet occupied while her mom gets smacked around downstairs, and PoorMan'sReneeZellweger wraps FarsiBoy around her little finger. Palmer is meeting with some suit-wearing government-y-looking guys when Lynne interrupts, asking if Palmer called a meeting with the Joint Chiefs of Staff regarding retaliation. Remember? The very thing he asked KreepyEric not to do? Palmer denies setting up a meeting. "That's what I thought," says Lynne, who just got off the phone with the Pentagon. "They think they're meeting with you in five minutes," she says. Palmer tells her to cancel it. He pulls KreepyEric aside and lays a Lady Mac-style smackdown on his ass for setting up the conference call with the Pentagon. "Don't second-guess me," he commands. KreepyEric is all toady and contrite, but we all just know that this isn't going to be the last time this sort of thing will happen.
Back in the Konfrontational Koffee room, Kiefer and Nina 2.0 are whipping up a fake profile for Kiefer to use when he goes undercover. Mason asks Kiefer again to explain what his plan of action is going to be, and again Kiefer doesn't respond. "Are you losing it?" asks Mason. "I'm not losing it," says Kiefer. Marshall Goren is brought in. Okay, imagine if Teddy Ruxpin from last season and Joey Buttafuoco had a child together. This is what the kid would look like. They dismiss Nina 2.0 from the room and the questioning begins. Through expositional dialogue, they establish that Marshall is a child pornographer who made a deal with the government for total immunity, in return for testifying against Joseph Wald. Marshall has quite the smug look on his face for having beaten a kiddie porn rap, so it is relatively easy to forgive Kiefer for pulling out a gun and shooting him point-blank in the chest. Mason freaks out. "That's the problem with you, George," says Kiefer. "You want fast results but you don't want to get your hands dirty." He feels for Marshall's pulse until there is none. "I'm gonna need a hacksaw," says Kiefer. Yeah, like this ever happens in the CIA. I mean, everyone knows that in order to kill a man and dismember him in order to bolster an undercover background, you need to fill out all of these forms. Actually, it's not that hard to get the death clearance, but the real bureaucracy comes when you want to remove the body parts from the premises. Then you have to get everyone's signature and it's a total bitch. Also, I don't know about this hacksaw. If CTU is like any other office, they are going to give him shit over the hacksaw. You know how there are those people in your office who are always bitching about how someone took their stapler and didn't return it? Well, I'm sure that the guy who has a hacksaw at his desk is that guy. So either he's going to be all, "Dude, every week you come in here going, 'My name is Jack Bauer and millions of people are going to die unless you loan me your three-hole punch!'" or he's got the hacksaw tied to his desk with twine and he has written his name all over the hacksaw with a Sharpie. Either that or he made labels for it on his Labelmaker. But then, things just haven't been the same since Nina was fired for that whole mole thing. I mean, sure, she was a traitor, but she was indispensable. When you needed office supplies, Nina was right on it. Legal pads? Mini Post-Its? You ordered them from Nina, and they arrived on your desk the next day! Meanwhile, this new girl is all, "Ordering office supplies is not in my job description." What's up with that?