Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 238 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Blondes and Bombshells
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2002.10.29
The time is 08:12:31 PM. There has been no commercial break, but the screen is splitting as if we've just had one. Klockwise from the top left, Palmer is shown watching more TerrorSlides, Spawn and JonBenet are having breakfast, and LumberJack is driving somewhere. The camera pulls back to reveal that Spawn and JonBenet are being served their breakfast by JonBenet's mom, who is played by Tracey Middendorf, a.k.a. Crazy Laura on a Hot Tin Roof from 90210. I'm getting the feeling that Crazy Laura is a battered wife, because she's wearing a lot of eye makeup and having a Lifetime movie-style freak-out over the plate of eggs and bacon that she's about to serve to DaddyStopTouchingMe. I guess she gets the strap if the eggs touch the bacon or something. Also, her hair color is the exact same shade of blonde as JonBenet and Spawn's. She tells Spawn that she's expecting a package and to look out for it. The banter between the Blondes is friendly and sunny. Crazy Laura refers to Spawn as "the best nanny ever." DaddyStopTouchingMe enters. He and Crazy Laura have one of those bliss-filled affectionate moments that always happens after a beatdown. She's so thrilled that he's not abusively angry anymore, and he's relieved that she's forgiven him, so they start playing grab-ass right there in the kitchen. Spawn looks up from her breakfast and accidentally makes eye contact with DaddyStopTouchingMe, who is checking her out while simultaneously groping his wife. Crazy Laura exits, ostensibly to go to work. As soon as she's out of the house, DaddyStopTouchingMe tells Spawn, apropos of nothing, that she's got a great body. "Do you work out?" he asks. "Not really," says Spawn. "I like to swim." Spawn, you forgot to mention that you like running in heels through bad neighborhoods in L.A., climbing hills, and chasing toxic men.