Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 238 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Blondes and Bombshells
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2002.10.29
Back at NSA, Palmer finally gets in touch with the prime minister of Fauxraqistan and asks him about The Second Wave. Of course, the PM of F denies any ties to The Second Wave; of course, Palmer threatens to hold Fauxraqistan responsible if the nuclear bomb is detonated regardless. Of course, the PM of F informs Palmer that if he retaliates against Fauxraqistan, the U.S. will be at war with the entire Arab world. Oh man, why can't I be recapping something fluffy like American Idol?
Out in front of No!DaddyNo! Manor, Spawn coaches JonBenet on her skateboarding. There's a Ford Explorer parked across the street, and the driver is watching Spawn. A fancy sideview mirror shot establishes that the driver is none other than MountainManKiefer. Of course, if Spawn had any other father, it would be sweet that Daddy is checking up on his estranged daughter. However, since this father is being played by Kiefer Sutherland and everything he does is infused with sexuality, it looks like he's stalking her…and not in a paternal Reverend Camden kind of way. Meanwhile, there's this On Golden Pond-style piano music on the soundtrack that sounds like it should be called The Estranged Family Waltz. Kiefer's cell rings. It's someone from CTU, asking him to hold for George Mason. Kiefer explains that he doesn't work for CTU anymore and hangs up, despite pleas that the call is very important. Meanwhile, JonBenet wipes out on her skateboard and Spawn has to attend to her boo-boos. They have a foreshadow-y discussion about blood. Kiefer gets out of the Kiefmobile and approaches them. Spawn realizes who it is and tells JonBenet to go play by herself in the backyard. What a sweet nanny gig! Spawn gets breakfast made for her every morning, and anytime she needs a break, she can just send the kid to the backyard. "I just wanted to see you," says Kiefer. "I miss you." The trademark Sutherland velvet bedroom voice pleads some more, but Spawn is immune. She asks him to leave her alone. She's still not over Bride's death. Kiefer apologizes that the three of them aren't together as a family anymore. Spawn hugs him and assures him that it's not his fault. JonBenet reminds Spawn that she's supposed to be watching her, so Spawn has to say goodbye to Kiefer. More lilting piano chords from The Estranged Family Waltz play. Kiefer walks dejectedly back to the Kiefmobile, and you can't even check out his ass because the tail of his untucked flannel shirt is covering it.