Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 238 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Blondes and Bombshells
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2002.10.29
Back at La Maison du Non!PapaNon!, Spawn continues to keep JonBenet occupied while Crazy Laura waits for DaddyStopTouchingMe to come home and slap the shit out of her for forgetting about the present. Finally his car, a Ford Thunderbird, pulls into the driveway. He gets out and examines a flaw in the paintjob -- you know all wife-beaters are obsessive-compulsive neat freaks. Thank God Sleeping With The Enemy taught us to watch out for those symptoms. JonBenet plays with her doll for a while until -- finally -- we hear DaddyStopTouchingMe slap the shit out of Crazy Laura downstairs. "Can we go somewhere else?" asks JonBenet. "I don't like it when he gets like this." Spawn's eyes widen and she asks JonBenet what she means by "gets like this." They lock Spawn's bedroom door just as DaddyStopTouchingMe knocks on the door looking for JonBenet. Spawn stalls for time by claiming that they're in the bathroom. She lets DaddyStopTouchingMe inside and explains that JonBenet was in the bathroom. Just then, JonBenet appears in Spawn's room with a towel wrapped around her head all Erykah Badu-style. DaddyStopTouchingMe informs them that CrazyLaura "had a little accident," and he just needs a few minutes alone with JonBenet. Spawn tries to prevent that from happening. DaddyStopTouchingMe freaks out and clobbers Spawn to the ground. Well, you know someone had to do it eventually. JonBenet screams for her mommy. DaddyStopTouchingMe begs for her forgiveness. When he doesn't get it immediately, he demands that JonBenet stop crying for her mommy. Spawn tells him to chill. DaddyStopTouchingMe tells her that he will hurt her. Oh, I wish. Instead, he hurts JonBenet by pushing her to the ground. His cell phone rings. It's his job, wondering where he is. The screen splits four ways. Klockwise from the top left, Spawn listens to DaddyStopTouchingMe tell his office that he's out beating his wife, KreepyEric gives Palmer the Machiavellian eye, Mamud Rashed Faheen watches more powder loaded into that nuclear device, and FarsiBoy and PoorMan'sReneeZellweger kiss and make up at Chez Crew.