Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 16 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Hot Tubs & Hand Grenades
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 14 | Aired on 01.08.2013
Jason: "Spencer! Heard I missed seeing a teacher explode."
Spencer: "And yet Mona got away scot-free. Again."
Jason: "I would never shut you down rudely like Toby does, but I will look disappointed. Like Toby always does, but that's just his face so it doesn't count."
Spencer: "Just saying."
Jason: "No, I hear you. This is one mosquito that won't be flying into the vaporizing electric field of Mona Vanderwaal."
Aria: "Spencer, I found this note that goes, Dear Meredith, go look in that potting shed where I have rigged up an explosive device to destroy you. Love, A. Do you think it means anything?"
Spencer: "I think it means A set us up."
Aria: "Do you? Can you possibly illuminate in more detail why you think that?"
Spencer: "No, and I will also advance a competing but not mutually exclusive theory that this was Mona's way of making friends with us."
Aria: "So... Wait, what?"
Spencer: "Your voice is weird. You sound like you're having mondo daddy issues."
Aria: "Differentiating today from literally any other day how?"
THE A-TAG THIS WEEK
Is bizarrely non-sequitur, so I'm adding the next thing that happens to it, to make it more lively. And it is a doozy! Because guess who was at Jason's house the whole time he was talking to his half-sister? Oh, his girlfriend MONA. And what's she doing now that Spencer's gone? Oh, bandaging his infected wound from the time Aria stabbed him in the abdomen. Yeah. Jason's bad, I think. Or he's taking Hanna's "sometimes you have to love the bad guy" deal to an awesomely freaky sex place, in which case I am on his side. Honestly I just can't imagine... It's like this:
You: "Hey, who's that hot girl?"
Dude: "That's Mona Vanderwaal, a bottomless pit of emotional need who can be manipulated into literally anything by just the hint of possible affection."
You: "Interesting, interesting. What's the downside?"
Dude: "She's a sociopathic supergenius who has ninja powers due to living in an adrenalized hyperreality that makes us all her puppets. She's kind of like a cross between Neo and the all-seeing God of Abraham, but with an amazing body and a great singing voice."
You: "No I said what's the downside."
You know what I mean? Anyway, in the real A-Tag one of the A-Team (guessing Toby, not sure why except so far he seems like he's just kinda going buckwild) unratchets some dude's front bicycle wheel, so that he gets a few yards and then goes sailing over the handlebars and onto his face. Which is a shitty thing to do, no doubt, but also I don't know what the point was. Like the time the entire A-Tag was A trying to calculate the tip on her bartab and then it was like, "Oh, she's in an airport flying to Phoenix to kill Caleb's mom, I get it now." Or remember when the A-Tag was like, "Did we mention that A has a room full of caged white rats, each named after a different person on this show, and sometimes she stabs them and rubs their blood on lacrosse sticks, did we mention that? No? Sorry, that's a thing that happens sometimes. So now you know."
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