Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 16 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Hot Tubs & Hand Grenades
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 14 | Aired on 01.08.2013
Aria, I'll have you know, spends almost the entire episode in a Big Top Circus Ringleader jacket with black pinstripes, over a monochrome cheetah-print shirt and matching miniskirt, like a hooker would wear. It's not the most mindblowing shit she's ever pulled, but the offense you take from each separate part of the outfit is so much more than the sum of its parts. No checks, no balances. Absolute power, everywhere at once, shooting out of each and every fucked-up area of Aria just like the blood of Cousin Heshy. The difference is, Cousin Heshy got better. Aria?
Later, at the charity marathon, girlfriend will have traded out -- over an American-flag skull t-shirt, of course -- a black cardigan with shoulder pads and sequined patches over the shoulder pads, on trend with that "drum majorette" look that's so popular these days, but more importantly providing a seamless transition from "Carnival Day" to more of a "Carnival Night" look.
Meanwhile, Emily looks like a hot steaming cup of sex, as usual these days, Hanna's wearing a classic blue dress from a grownup's closet and is totally beautiful of course, and Spencer is wearing... voluminous emerald pleated old-lady pants like you would wear to cover your stilts, if you were in the Aria Circus. So, half of us are doing okay.
Liars: "Lucas! What did she say to you? What just even happened?"
As usual, Lucas gets a pass on explaining anything and just limps away, because why would Lucas -- who clearly knows everything that is going on -- ever get pressured in any way to share the information?
Oh, and then there's one of those harebrained ABC Family marketing deals where they're like, "And now a special thing we're pretending we always do, even though actually we just thought of it and it makes no sense, where we talk about two unrelated things as if they are related. You know how on this show there are characters named Caleb and Hanna? Well in a new teen movie coming out, there are also characters! So go see it! Caleb and Hanna will meet you there, at that movie!"
BATHROOM
Aria: "Wait, they have cow brains in the Bio lab?"
Spencer: "You wouldn't know because you got excused from dissection based on vegetarian grounds..."
Aria: "It wasn't vegetarian, it was humanitarian."
Spencer: "It wasn't humanitarian, it was special snowflake disease, and also, are you still going to be a bitch to me?"
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