Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 93 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Crappily Ever After
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2002.09.29
...emerges outside the St. Regis. FrankenFeebs and Freddie Prinze Charming Junior stride out onto the empty sidewalk from the lobby as the clock strikes twelve. The Dolt follows briefly, but, sensing Piper's distress, orbs immediately back to the Manor. The scene shifts into slow motion as the carriage from earlier rounds the corner, the horses charging ominously through the mist. Phoebe yodels and tries to break free from Prinze Charming, but he yanks her back into his arms. One of the Lucite pumps slides off FrankenFeebs's sweaty foot to clatter on the cobbles in front of the hotel. Prinze Charming stuffs the FrankenFeebs into the carriage's cab just as the clock chimes midnight. The carriage -- driver, horses, FrankenFeebs and all -- morphs down into a pumpkin on the hotel's front drive. I idly wonder what happened to the mice that are supposed be scurrying around somewhere as the camera bubbles back through Mirror Mirror. Cloris eyes the image of the rodent-free pumpkin and smirks, "The. End!" Not really, hon. Just another commercial break.
And we're back. Freddie Prinze Charming Junior gazes at Phoebe's sweaty Lucite pump for a moment, then snatches up the pumpkin to dash it on the ground. Cole appears from the lobby to threaten Prinze Charming with an agonizing death should anything happen to the pumpkin. Prinze Charming, struggling against the Cloris mojo currently controlling his body, wails that should he not off the Feebs, Cloris will kill him anyway. After an agonizingly long, tension-free moment, Prinze Charming hurls the pumpkin to the ground. Cole zaps the scene with a little mojo of his own, freezing everything involved. He saunters over to retrieve the pumpkin, then decks Prinze Charming in the teeth. Some heinous, Hell-sent, demonic beast forces Julian McMahon to deliver the line, "Keep your hands off my pumpkin." Oy.
Attic. The Big Bad-Ass -- and yes, it's back in wolf's clothing, so to speak -- snarls and snaps at the Dolt, who stands off to one side with the Woodsman's axe, pretending to be threatening. "[Woof woof]," quoth the wolf, according to the closed captioning. The Big Bad-Ass leaps for the open Big Book Of Fairy Tales on the sofa. The Dolt, belatedly realizing that the Big Book functions as a sort of portal, screams, "No!" As the Big Bad-Ass flies through the air, it suddenly explodes, sending Piper and Grams tumbling to the floor. You'd expect them to be slathered in wolf guts, would you not? And you'd be wrong. Piper and Grams gather themselves from the carpet and reveal to the Dolt that Piper blew up the Big Bad from inside. Cole smears on into the background with the FrankenFeebs pumpkin, swearing he had nothing to do with the evening's hijinks. Piper realizes the only way to confront Cloris directly is by donning Little Red's hood and entering the Big Book Of Fairy Tales herself. Grams passes her the vial of vanquish and proudly grins, "Go on. Show her who's the most powerful witch of all." Aw. Grams and Piper share A Moment; then Piper places a hand on her Big Book, vanishing downwards into the swirling text.