Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 93 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Crappily Ever After
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2002.09.29
I hate this show.
The camera tracks back from Piper and her scrying crystal to bubble back through Mirror Mirror. Little Rusty gleefully announces that Piper is certain to discover Cloris's whereabouts before midnight. Cloris casually snips a lock of hair from her head while insisting that she wants Piper to find her. Cloris slips the lock into Little Red's riding hood as Rusty puzzles over this latest development. You see, hair-stuffed riding hoods don't really mesh with the original story. Cloris darkly reminds him that luring Little Red away from the house is a part of the tale, as is a bad-ass wolf.
Over in the St. Regis ballroom, violinists saw away at the waltz from Die Fledermaus while various extras stagger gracelessly about the dance floor. The only couple who can actually waltz appears to be a pair of sixtysomethings over by the buffet table. It's sad. Freddie Prinze Charming Junior surveys the crowd and anxiously checks his watch. Across the hall, FrankenFeebs bellows her clomping way through a cluster of guests to land at the top of the stairs. Rather than ordering security to remove the unspeakably-clad monstrosity from the benefit by any means necessary, Prinze Charming excuses himself from a clot of donors and hustles to FrankenFeebs's side. They flirt with each other as the FrankenFeebs assures him she's there alone. Not so fast, FrankenFeebs. Cole appears behind Prinze Charming, looking mighty fine in a tux of his own, and wonders why Phoebe decided to attend. Phoebe spits something nasty about Cole knowing very well why she's there, adding, "These boots may be made for walking, but they're not walking back to you!" Cole clearly believes that Phoebe is now insane. Prinze Charming suggests they head off to the bar, sans the ex-husband, and FrankenFeebs agrees. Cole calls for them to hold up for a minute, and now it's Prinze Charming's turn to snap at him. He threatens Cole with bodily harm should Cole try to muscle in on his hideous monstrosity of a date. Cole cocks his head, instantly aware that Prinze Charming's suffering the effects of some sort of spell, and responds to the threat of bodily harm with a wrenching twist of Prinze Charming's demonically-possessed arm. The FrankenFeebs breaks up the pissing contest and drags Prinze Charming off to the bar, over Cole's protests.