Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 93 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Crappily Ever After
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2002.09.29
In any event, the Lucite pumps take on a life of their own, forcing Phoebe to goose-step towards the attic door against her will. The goose-stepping, of course, means that we're all threatened with inadvertent exposure to Phoebe's cooter, so I'll be averting my eyes for most of the following scene. Piper and Raige swarm to Phoebe's side, tugging valiantly at her arms to keep her in the attic. Grams hollers at them to let Phoebe go, the argument being that the shoes should lead Phoebe to the source of their current woes. Piper and Raige release her, and Phoebe clomps out to the stairs like Elsa Lanchester on crystal. Raige tags along after her, the better to orb her back to the Manor should anything go wrong. Piper and Grams hang back to research a Cloris vanquish in Piper's Big Book Of Fairy Tales.
While all of this nonsense transpires at the Manor, Freddie Prinze Charming Junior, clad in a tuxedo and nattering into a cell phone, wanders through the old Buckland's set to an elevator. He enters the car alone. Cloris smokes in, latches onto his neck with her plum-colored Press-On nails, and plants a big, sloppy wet one on his lips. Prinze Charming's face flares yellow as his eyes glaze over. "How can I serve you, my queen?" he monotones. Cloris instructs him to "meet Cinderella at the ball" and to "make sure she's in the carriage at midnight." Should he fail in his assigned task, she'll kill him, or something.
FrankenFeebs clomps across a street in her hateful, spiteful monstrosity, halting traffic as she goes, turning all who gaze upon her to stone. Kidding with that last bit. And look at that -- we have cooter, ladies and gentlemen! Unfortunately, that's no joke. Raige trails along uselessly behind FrankenFeebs until they reach the opposite sidewalk. The Lucite pumps clomp to a halt as a couple of horses drag a white carriage up to the curb. Cue the blaring fanfare of the regal trumpets. FrankenFeebs addresses the driver, who remains silent. The carriage door pops open of its own accord, and the Lucite pumps drag FrankenFeebs inside. Raige attempts to follow, but some sort of force field propels her backwards onto her ass. The carriage pulls away with the FrankenFeebs shouting instructions from the open window. Raige is to return to the Manor. Phoebe will summon the Dolt should the situation warrant.