Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 93 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Crappily Ever After
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2002.09.29
Manor kitchen. Grams drops the final ingredient into the pot of Cloris vanquish, which agreeably erupts into a cloud of smoke and sparks. Color Raige impressed. Grams whipped up the whole thing without once consulting the Book. "Honey," Grams grins, "I wrote the Book. Well, all the good potions, anyway." She asks Raige to fetch an empty vial from the cabinet. As Raige does so, she's inexplicably drawn to the poisoned apple perched in the fruit bowl. Of course, it probably helps that the apple tosses a little enticement her way by means of a sparkly flare, but whatever. Grams yanks Raige out of her reverie to opine that resigning from THE BLACK HOLE OF SOCIAL SERVICES was the best thing Raige could do at this point in her witchy career. Raige is surprised that Grams knows about THE BLACK HOLE and her resignation therefrom. Grams confesses to peeking in on Raige from time to time. Raige takes offense at this, reminding Grams that she, Raige, already had a grandmother she loved very much. Raige feels Grams is forcing both herself and this mentor relationship upon Raige, and Raige would very much appreciate it if Grams would back the hell off. Grams, with refreshingly little drama, insists that she understands she could never replace Raige's adoptive grandmother. However, Raige just might have a little place in her heart for Grams as well, yes? Someday, perhaps? Raige caves. "Well, at least I know where I get my stubbornness from." The two chuckle kindly at each other. Where have I heard all of this before, hmmm? They've completely abandoned slutty, free-spirit Raige in favor of turning her into Prue II: Attack Of The Indifferently Coiffed Clone With The Lousy Dye Job, haven't they? Okay, that's a little unfair. Raige actually looks quite fetching in this scene. In any event, Grams pockets the finished vial while Raige crosses to fetch another couple of bottles for Phoebe and Piper. Unfortunately, Raige finds herself yanked sideways by the gravitational pull of the poisoned apple.
Somewhere dark and woodsy, Piper and the Dolt pedebitch through the underbrush about Piper's icky pregnant-lady hormones. Piper insists they're not to blame for her current addled state of mind. Rather, it's the physical presence of Grams in the Manor. Piper feels "like [she's] ten years old again." So, why'd you call her back in the first place, moron? The conversation grinds to a halt when they stumble across Little Red's riding hood hanging in a tree. Piper realizes they're "off the beaten path," and whispers, "Oh, no. Grams!"