Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Crappily Ever After
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2002.09.29
Piper sighs a bit before resuming her recitation of the tale of Snow White and oh sweet Jesus, that's a lousy transition effect to the next scene. A crappy CGI "page" turns in a wipe from the lower left corner of the screen to the upper right, revealing a moonlight castle perched atop an Alp. Okay, I'm not so sure about the Alp thing, but all of the folk tales featured tonight are of European origin, so just go with it. Piper continues with the story in voice-over as the camera enters the castle to land upon an ancient, bewhiskered gentleman wiping down a mirror. Presently, a sharp-nosed, severe, middle-aged blonde wearing far too much eyeliner appears in the glass to sneer, "Aren't you dead yet?" How pleasant. But then, I suppose I'd be a bit on the snotty side myself if I had to go through life looking like an ungodly cross between Cloris Leachman and Sandy Duncan. I'm looking for the glass eye, people. Grampy ho-hos something about Cloris still nursing her bitterness after all these years before turning to blow a ream of exposition in his "apprentice's" general direction, jostling the mirror as he does so. Gramps urges the apprentice to treat the artifacts in the room with more care, as they're "not just symbols -- they're pieces of history." Given that the apprentice is currently fondling a "glass" pump that is obviously molded from Lucite and is therefore shatter-proof, this instruction only serves to annoy me. By the by, other "pieces of history" scattered about the chamber on pedestals include a nutcracker, a pumpkin, Little Red's riding hood, Aladdin's lamp, a harp, a hatchet, and a golden orb I must assume is the Apple Of Discord. Unfortunately, Eris will not be appearing in this evening's presentation to set the Ps at each other's throats over possession of said apple, which really is a shame. The ensuing bitch-fest would have been far more entertaining than what follows, despite the fact that Alyssa Milano would insist she be assigned the role of Venus. Like she needs another excuse to thrust her boobs in our faces.