Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 93 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Crappily Ever After
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2002.09.29
Kitchen. Raige inhales half of the poisoned apple and immediately morphs into Morticia Addams, after which she drops dead to the floor. No, seriously. No. Seriously. Grams gasps and races to Snow Raige's side as the bad-ass wolf makes its presence known by snarling a bit in the doorway to the dining room. The wolf begins a loping gallop over to Grams as the camera discreetly tracks up the wall to display what follows in shadowy silhouettes. The shadow of the Big Bad-Ass leaps into the air and drops, gaping jaws first, onto the shadow of Grams. The shadows collapse into each other and drop out of the frame while Grams screams. After a moment, Grams's shadow reappears on the wall. The shot cuts over to Big Bad Grams, leaning casually against the counter and sucking its teeth a bit before using a nail to dig out a bit of Grams's jewelry from its back molars, or something. Big Bad Grams kneels beside Snow Raige, presumably to snack on the corpse, as Piper and the Dolt orb into the kitchen behind her. Piper, toting Little Red's hood, bleats, "What happened?" Big Bad Grams bugs out its eyes and mutters, "I'm afraid she's dead." DUN!
Kitchen. Aftermath. Big Bad Grams edges past Piper to scratch away at the scruff of its neck while Piper flips through the BoS and the Dolt applies a useless tingly touch to the rapidly-cooling corpse of Snow Raige. Neither Piper nor the Dolt, needless to say, notices that Grams is behaving strangely. Instead, Piper seems to be regenerating a bit of her spine, insisting that if Snow White can resurrect herself from an encounter with a poisoned apple, so can Snow Raige. The Dolt reminds Piper that Snow White woke up as the result of a kiss from one of the many, varied princes charming over in fairy tale land, and here's the bit where Raige's lack of a love life swings around to bite her in the ass. Big Bad Grams grabs Piper's hand to "find [Raige's] boyfriend." Piper reminds Big Bad Grams that Raige is a single loser. Big Bad Grams belches. Piper's too busy even to dispense with a wicked side-eye, choosing rather to recite the following desperate spell over Snow Raige's soon-to-be-maggot-infested corpse: