Episode Report Card Omar G: B+ | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT The Breastplate and the Bad Cop
By Omar G | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.14.2002
The gassily named Beanery. Bo Duke swaggers in, slapping boys on the back like he's their coach or something. He's spotted by MeanCop, who introduces himself and offers a handshake. Bo Duke -- who has made an art form of refusing a handshake from people he doesn't like -- just looks at the hand for a half-second, completely dismissing it. MeanCop says he figured Bo Duke would be the one to come. "What do you want with my son?" Bo Duke asks, still standing. MeanCop tries to go all rational, but Bo Duke says that a rational person doesn't drop a generator on someone. Oh, it's a generator. "We both know it wouldn't hurt him," MeanCop chuckles. Bo Duke just doesn't think that's very damned funny. The men sit. Tight close-ups. Bo asks what MeanCop wants. MeanCop says he wants Clark's help, fighting the dregs of society. "I will not let you exploit my son," Bo says gravely. MeanCop reveals that he's noticed Clark's name on a lot of police files. You know, Popsicle Boy, jittery guy at the Luthor plant, girl who ate cellulite off people's bodies with her huge maw. That sort of thing. Bo says he'll give the man anything to stay away from his family. "I want your son," the man says simply. Bo looks like he's going to cry, "My dead, gay, very popular son." "No," Bo finally says. MeanCop says he'll be in touch, and gets up to leave. Bo rubs tears from his weary eyes. MeanCop leans in close and tells Bo he plans to reveal Clark's secret to the world and make him a lab monkey. Bo snaps. He gets up, grabbing MeanCop by the lapels and making a scene. MeanCop plays it off like he's just an innocent guy caught in Bo's steel grip. Coffee patrons look on in shock. "I'd learn to keep that temper in check. That could get you in a lot of trouble," MeanCop tells Bo, pointing a long finger at him.
The school newspaper office. Clark is looking at stories about MeanCop from the Daily Planet's website. He's interrupted by Chloe, who asks whether Clark has heard anything about Lana's meeting with Principal Not So Smooth. Just then, Lana walks in wearing a gawdawful pink business suit. "Hey," she says. Chloe asks her to bottom-line the meeting. "When can we put out our next issue?" she asks. "Day after tomorrow," Lana answers. Chloe and Clark exchange smiles. "Cool," Chloe says. What's not so cool is when Lana, in her broken, breathy way, explains that in order to get the paper back in production, Lana was made editor of the paper. Chloe completely crumbles. She asks Lana to repeat it; then she scoffs -- actually scoffs -- and accuses Lana of padding her college application by using the paper as an activity. Lana says Chloe can ghostwrite until she's reinstated. "So I would work for you," Chloe says, scoffing all the way. Clark jumps in and says it's not a bad idea. Chloe starts to cry and says that, sure, Clark is objective about all things Lana. Clark and Lana look embarrassed. "Gotta go," Clark says, and tries to wuss his way out of the room. Chloe tells him to stay. She's full-on crying now, and tells Lana that for a millisecond she thought Lana was her friend. Damn, Chloe. Give Lana the number for your acting coach. Chloe storms off. Lana does that thing where she sort of sighs, but without any sound. It's a pantosigh. Or a sighomime.