Episode Report Card Omar G: B+ | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT The Breastplate and the Bad Cop
By Omar G | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.14.2002
At The Beanery (worst named coffeehouse ever), somebody's playing pinball, and judging from all the tilting, I bet it's MeanCop. Lex walks by carrying a cup of hot Joe (the drink, not the guy) and doesn't even notice him as he passes. MeanCop stops Lex and asks whether people in Smallville call him "Mr. Luthor." Lex, looking peeved, asks if the cop isn't out of his jurisdiction. MeanCop says you don't need jurisdiction to look up an old friend. Lex tries to walk off, telling MeanCop to schedule an appointment. MeanCop asks why Lex always has to turn on people who help him, the way MeanCop used to pull him back from the edge. (The edge of what? Are you as intrigued as I am?) Lex says that's only because his dad paid MeanCop well. MeanCop drops the pretense and says it would be a shame if Lex's nice life in Smallville were disrupted. Lex says, "You can't touch me and you know it." Hard to get is a game I didn't know Lex knew how to play. Lex takes a sip of coffee, not missing a beat. MeanCop pulls out a photo -- the one of Lex and Clark looking like male models -- and shows it to Lex. He asks if Lex knows that rosy-cheeked, juicy-lipped stud next to him. Lex says he doesn't know that sweet, tasty man. "Hmm. I'd have pegged you for buddies," MeanCop says. Heh. Buddies. Lex tells MeanCop he should think about retiring, which isn't much of a comeback line given that it's Lex, but it'll suffice. Lex walks off. MeanCop and his buggy eyes stare after him.
The Fortress of Barnitude. Clark walks in calling out, "Hello? Hello?" It's dark. Nobody's around. Something -- which turns out to be a Metropolis police badge -- is on the floor. Clark reaches for it. And that's when it hits him. No, literally. That's when that big, raised engine block falls down and hits him. Clark is pissed. He angrily throws the engine off, tossing it against a wall. Hey, I think Bo Duke was going to use that later. MeanCop comes down the barn stairs and says he doesn't know what Clark's being fed on the farm, but he's impressive. The guy says he saw Clark's antics the night before, but wanted to be sure. "Who are you?" Clark asks. MeanCop introduces himself as Clark's best friend. With his weird, clammy eyes, he tells Clark that he needs the help of the young superlad to fight crime in Metropolis. Specifically, against "bad guys." MeanCop reaches for Clark's shoulder, but Clark grabs his hand and hisses, "I'll never help you." Wow, way to emote, Clark. MeanCop has full Manson Lamps going as he explains that Clark has a secret he doesn't want the world to know, and that if Clark wants to keep that secret, he'd better help. He tells Clark to drop by the "overpriced coffeehouse" the next day to talk about his future. Then he leaves. Slimily. Clark stares after him with burning hatred. Burning superhatred. Why, you might even say it's burning, flaming superhatred.