Episode Report Card Omar G: B+ | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT The Breastplate and the Bad Cop
By Omar G | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.14.2002
The kitchen of superbagels. Clark is explaining about the whole motor-being- dropped-on-him thing. I keep wanting him to say, "Great idea, lifting that up to the rafters, Dad. Geez, did you think we were opening up a Planet Hollywood?" MamaKent purses up her lips, and the magnetic pull causes the earth to tilt off its axis. She says they'll go to the police. Clark says this guy is the police. All of them. He's the police Oversoul. Bo Duke looks pissed. He walks around the kitchen like he wants to kill a carrot. Clark apologizes, but Bo Duke assures him, not very convincingly, that it's not his fault. Clark mentions that the guy wants to meet him at the Beanery tomorrow. At that, Bo Duke makes a face that screams, "I love my dead, gay son." Bo says he'll go and talk to this guy and find out what he wants. Signed General Lee memorabilia perhaps? A pair of authentic Daisy Duke shorts? Clark asks what he should do until then. Bo Duke spouts platitudes like a Hallmark-brand garden hose. Go see your friends. Live your life. Dance like no one's watching. Clark nods and walks away. Tinkly music plays. MamaKent looks like she's supposed to have a line, but before she can say it, they cut to the next scene.
Very CGI-looking crescent moon in the sky. We pull back to see Clark sitting on a barn windowsill. (Barns have windowsills?) He looks like he's about to sing "Somewhere Out There." We hear the sexy purr of Lex's voice. He tells Clark, as he walks in, that Clark looks like he's carrying the weight of the world. There's a weird edit here, maybe, because instead of savoring the moment, Lex starts talking again immediately, saying he's sorry to interrupt, but there was nowhere to knock. Lex and Clark in the barn, alone? At night? Oh, dear. This is the scene that's going to launch a thousand fanfics. Clark says it's okay, adding, "Thanks again for last night." Lex licks his lips, looks up, and then looks down again really quickly and dodgily with a half smile. Then he bends down to look into Clark's telescope. Could it be any more clear? It is the Gayest Look of the Episode. They quickly dispense of the foppishness to discuss the rogue police officer who's stalking Clark. Lex says he knows all about it, except for the details of what the cop is after and how Clark is involved. Lex tells Clark that the investigation into the bus accident is closed. Then he says that Clark really doesn't want MeanCop in his life. Blah, blah, blah, naïvetécakes. Lex says the guy's a dirty cop. NaïveClark asks a lot of dumb questions, like whether Lex got in trouble when he was younger. Gosh, Clark, wait till you hear about Club Zero. "He just wanted to talk," Clark says, trying to avoid all this. "Then you've got nothing to worry about," Lex says. He gives Clark a little cocky half-smile. End of scene. Note: we never actually see Lex leave the barn.