Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Home on the Rage
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.21.2004
Somewhere on a rock, Quantum climbs. He climbs to get away from the guilt, the tragedy. He climbs to get away from the remains of his shattered ideals. He climbs to get away from the chattering fool at his side. She tells him that her brother called to say they changed the name of her old high school and named it after Quantum. "How many is that now -- two, three dozen?" "Where are these high schools that the old name wasn't good enough for them? I mean, I think Martin Luther King's kids would be pretty pissed. Or Washington? Please don't tell me in the future that someone like Quantum is held in higher regard than our first president!" the Evil Dr. Mathra rails as he looks up from failing half his students. Quantum mutters that he's not keeping track. The Evil Dr. Mathra: "I mean, new schools I could understand, and I guess with all the babies everyone's supposedly having it's going to be necessary to build more, but come on -- Robert Frost or Quantum? Hm, just let me think about that one!" He gets this way when he has to grade exams. Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants natters on that she doesn't think that Zephram Cochrane has that many named after him. "Yeah, okay, there's no Jonathan Archer High School!" the Evil Dr. Mathra announces from Google. I think my husband has completely lost his grip on reality.
Time passes. They climb. For some reason, Quantum still hasn't pushed Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants off a cliff. She now wants to know if Quantum has looked over her list potential officers. "I mean, of course there's a Neil Armstrong High School, but that guy's a hero, and they've had time to name new schools after him. It just seems a bit strange for them to name a school after a guy who has just had a bad show for the past few years." I'd close his study door, but I'm afraid he's already oxygen deprived. Quantum tells Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants to get some Uh-Ohs on her staff. Echoing Quantum's words from last season, Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants says she doesn't know how she'd feel about having military on her bridge. "If I were you, I'd talk to General Casey about hiring an entire squad," Quantum says forcefully. See, they do that so we know how far he's come. She's a shiny new captain with stars in her eyes, brimming over with all kinds of annoying qualities -- just like Quantum once was. But now Quantum's drunk the bitter brew of reality and war and it's left an acrid taste in his mouth that no amount of whisky, wine, or women can ever fully expunge! Ah, Quantum, you swerved from innocence. In fact, you divorced that serene companion and now recover not your loss, but climb with shame. You climb with doubt and fear. And lest we forget, you climb haply (haply!) with remorse.
They climb some more. Quantum notes how much things for have changed for Starfleet captains since Enterprise left the Giant Hairclip behind: "You spend a lot of your time boldly going into battle." Oh, ha ha. Shut up, Quantum. Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants calls him on his cynicism. Aw, remember when Quantum told T'Pol to "take [her] Vulcan cynicism and bury it along with [her] repressed emotions"? Good times, good times. "Did you read my reports?" Quantum demands angrily. "Yes, Captain, I did," Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants says pointedly. Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants stops suddenly as she spies a single paw print in the mountain dust. Quantum scans it and determines, "Mountain lion. Tracks are a few days old." "Hm," Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants says demurely. "Good thing I have you to protect me." WTF? What kind of weird, strange, dysfunctional relationship do these two have? Are they going to turn out to be brother and sister? I mean, we don't ever even find out her name, hence the "Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants" christening.