Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Home on the Rage
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.21.2004
Enterprise. T'Pol t'packs. Trip mopes in, sighs, fishes, mopes, and sighs some more about how, with Lizzie dead and his hometown devastated, he has nowhere to hang but the ship. "I guess this is mah home now," he sighs. So, Lizzie was his ENTIRE family? No one else is alive for him to see? Not even old friends? I'm getting very suspicious about Trip's personal life. T'Pol finally smokes a clue and invites him home to Vulcan. Trip tries to act like that wasn't what he was getting at and innocently asks, "Where would I stay?" "In my pants" is not what T'Pol says, even though it's what we all were thinking -- or, in my case, screeching. She tells him there's a guestroom at her mother's house. Trip learns that T'Pol has never mentioned him to her mother and that she plans to introduce him as "Charles Tucker, III." Just mind your Ts and Fs, okay, hon? T'Pol argues -- not that Trip needs convincing, mind you -- how Trip's always complaining to Quantum that he's never gotten to see as many alien cultures as he would like. "Seen"? No. "Been impregnated by"? Yes. Trip goes to pack and smirks his way out of T'Pol's room. Shut up, Trip.
Cpt. Grandchick shows Quantum around her new ship and they engage in more strained banter. Quantum lists all the firepower the ship has and says that he once had an argument with Captain Jeffries. "He was one of the designers of the NX-class." "I'm aware of that," Cpt. Grandchick and the entire Trek audience says. Well, the entire Trek audience probably yelled more than said. At least my Trek audience did. Anyway, Quantum's argument with the totally tubular Jeffries was about installing weaponry on a science vessel that was supposed to be used for making first contact with new species. Quantum, Man of Peace that he is, didn't want the weapons; Jeffries did. "Jeffries was right," Quantum says, squaring his shoulders dramatically. "We needed those weapons. And a helluva lot more." Oh, Quantum, you've seen so much. You've suffered so. You wore out the batteries on your Weight of the World Window. Ooh, that's another upgrade he should mention to Cpt. Grandchick -- lots of room to pace and some anti-fogging glass.
Starfleet HQ. Quantum relates to Starfleet and the Vulcan High Council just exactly what went down on the Selaya. We've heard all this before, so I'm just going to skip to the part where Soval accuses Quantum of cold-bloodedly leaving the Vulcan crew to die. Soval even argues that T'Pol was exposed to the Trellium and recovered; therefore the Selaya crew could have recovered as well. Yeah, he's right, she did recover. If you call becoming a CRACK WHORE recovered! Quantum proceeds to quickly lose it all over the place as he flies out of his chair and gets in Soval's face about how they got more help from the Andorians on the Xindi mission than they did from the Vulcans. True, that. Forrest tells Quantum to simmer the hell down, but Quantum completely ignores him. By the way, Cpt. Grandchick is sitting in a corner, quietly taking notes on the quickest way to get Quantum into the sack: 1. compliment him on his furrows; 2. act really annoying and perky; 3. don't tell him your name; 4. piss him off by horning in on his alone time; 5. mention the Code of the Mountain, because that's really sexy.