Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Home on the Rage
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.21.2004
In Admiral Forrest's evil office, Quantum rails on the admiral for taking Soval's side. Forrest tells him he's out of line. Quantum rants some more, calling Soval a "sunuvabitch." He's been hanging around Trip far too long. "The debriefing's on hold indefinitely," Forrest says. Yeah, the debriefing's been pushed back until Friday nights at nine. Forrest tells Quantum to take some time to cool off. "With all due respect, Admiral --" Which, as we all know, means the exact opposite. "I don't need a vacation." No, you're right -- you don't need a vacation, you need a polectomy. And a furrowectomy. And a personality replacement. In fact, you need an entire weekend at Dr. Cheney's Day Spa for the Intensely Humorless and Criminally Uptight. Quantum storms out as Forrest bellows, "That's an order, Captain!" but Quantum keeps storming without even looking back. Look at him go! He's seen so much, he doesn't have respect for authority! Not even evil authority! Will this dizzying spiral of destruction never end?! Woe! Woe!
Phlox struggles through the corridors with about fifty Sherpa bags filled with his clicking beasties. He's all packed for a visit down to Earth. Reed gives him a hand and says that he trusts Phlox will be taking "proper precautions" on the surface. Apparently, people with alien faces have been attacked and beaten up. Phlox isn't worried. He lived on Earth for many years with no problem. Reed says that humans are out looking for someone to blame. Can't we all just get along?
In an idyllic area of the UPN back lot, complete with Styrofoam rocks and a wading pool, Quantum gets ready to climb every mountain. Whether he intends to ford every stream is still up for grabs, though, and I highly doubt that this man would follow every rainbow, but you never can tell with some people. Cpt. Grandchick shows up likewise trussed-out in climbing paraphernalia. She happily cocks a hip and a bubbly attitude at him. Quantum's shoulders drop in annoyance and he frowns at her. "Mind if I ask what you're doing here?" he growls. Not at all put off by this rude greeting, Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants grins and tuts him for going climbing without a buddy. Quantum grimaces.
Hey, next Friday Brent Spiner is on! And he's acting like an asshole! Maybe they'll also show him drinking whisky.
Vulcan. Trip and T'Pol arrive at Chez Vulcan with Trip babbling about the volcano he saw on their way down. Shut up, Trip -- the only homespun thing you're allowed to say is "Yeah, 'hot as Vulcan' -- now I understand what that phrase means." As they look around Mr. Miyagi's garden, Trip says he can't wait to explore all that Vulcan has to offer. T'Pol CRACK WHORES distraction as she looks around her house. My god -- Jolene's turning into the Incredible Shrinking Vulcan! Check out her legs -- they're scarily tiny! I mean, she's always been too skinny, yes, but now she's attaining childlike proportions and it's not attractive. Trip's surprised with how beautiful Vulcan is. "Vulcans appreciate beauty," T'Pol points out. "Well, I had no doubt about that," Trip says, checking out her five-year-old's ass, "yew allays were a snazzy dresser!" "Snazzy" doesn't begin to cover the velour catsuits, the industrial carpet catsuit, or the trumpet-sleeved, tie-dyed rayon shirt with square neckline she's rocking in this scene. T'Pol drops her bags in protest and is just about to tell him where exactly he can go when her mother appears on the scene. Between you and me, T'Ma walks like a man. I'm just sayin'. "You didn't tell me you were bringing a guest," T'Ma says, pointedly not looking at Trip. Man, that's as uncomfortable as my mother calling down from upstairs, "Stephanie, could you come up here?" when I had my friends over. "Mother -- you're home!" T'Pol says, all plans of empty-house nookie flying out of her Vulcan mind. Trip introduces himself with a "Pleased to meet you, ma'am" and a Vulcan hand salute. Trinneer's pinky is all contorted, but it's nice that Trip made the effort. T'Ma salutes back and immediately demands -- in Vulcan no less -- why Trip's there. T'Pol explains that Trip's her colleague. Trip picks up on his name and looks back and forth uneasily. "This is the first time you've brought a colleague home with you," T'Ma says, looking Trip up and down and for all the world sounding just like a mother who has been consistently kept out of the loop of her CRACK WHORE daughter's life. T'Ma invites them in and directs Trip to the guestroom.
Once Trip's out of sight, T'Pol wonders why her mother isn't at work at the Science Academy. T'Ma says she no longer works there -- something that shouldn't come as any surprise to T'Pol, since she sent her a letter about it. "Didn't Starfleet transmit it to your ship?" Joanna Cassidy does a great job of conveying motherly disapproval and guilt in that single sentence. T'Pol gives The Expanse as an excuse. Hey, it's a good excuse. T'Ma goes on that T'Pol was well aware that her retirement was planned years ago, and that there's more to life than one's career. "Perhaps you'll learn that one day." Again with the motherly guilt to move back to Minneso -- I mean, uh, "Vulcan." T'Ma hands over a letter from Frank Lloyd Vulcan and says she wasn't the only one who knew of T'Pol's return. "He's your fiancé!" T'Ma insists when T'Pol says she has nothing to say to him. "Former fiancé," T'Pol corrects. "That is a matter for debate!" T'Ma announces, and tells her it would be "wise" for T'Pol to speak to him. Uh, how come they're not speaking in Vulcanese now that Trip isn't even around?