Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Home on the Rage
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.21.2004
Nightfall on the rock face. The two captains aren't sharing a mutual sleeping bag. Not yet. There's a growl. Quantum leaps to his feet and starts fighting off a bunch of Snake Eyes. I hope this isn't going to be too active of a dream because he's gonna roll right off the cliff and that would be terrible, just terrible. In his dream the Snake Eyes throw him off the cliff. He jerks awake to find Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants crouching over him, silkily asking if he's all right. "I'm not even sure what 'all right' means anymore," Quantum complains. Oh, please, aren't your hands wrung dry yet? Just cram it already! "Wanna talk about it?" Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants pants. "There's an old code among climbers: Anything that happens on the mountain stays on the mountain." Yeah, but what happens when TWoP cancels The Mountain? Rimshot! By the way, this actress is not only annoying, but she also can't deliver her lines worth for shit. Sigh, she's perfect for Quantum! Quantum grumbles that the reason why he came climbing was because it was the last place he'd run into any hero worship. You see, the beleaguered captain doesn't feel like a hero -- not with all the robbin' and killin' and air-lockin' he's done in his time. Quantum savagely starts getting his gear together. Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants asks if he's going climbing in the middle of the night. "Why not?" Quantum rasps. "It'd be a shame if you lost your footing, because it's a long way down," Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants says blandly. Yes, that would be a shame -- happy trails! By the way, did you catch what they did there with the double-meaning and the layers? See, he's in danger of losing the footing To His Soul and -- oh, you do get it. Okay, just checking; these Enterprise episodes can be quite complex and sometimes you just need an English major to figure them out for you, but if you're good, we'll move on.
Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants calls him on his death wish, and Quantum asks her if she thinks he has some kind of death wish. "You tell me," Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants says. Quantum, let me ask you something, and be honest, because this is for posterity: Do you have a death wish? Quantum drops his gear in defeat and says, "All I'm trying to do is get away from you." Dude, I hear that! Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants puts away her rappelling negligee in disappointment. Quantum grabs her by the shoulders and says that when he looks at her, he sees what he was three years ago -- full of ambition, drive, untainted possibilities, and estrogen. "I lost something out there," Quantum says, slumping to the ground, "and I don't know how to get it back." Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants sees her opening and leaps at it by kissing him. "What was that?" Quantum wonders. If he needs to be told what that is, he's been gone longer than anyone thought. "Something I haven't done in awhile," Cpt. Grandchick Happy Pants promises. What's that about? Her lips have been celibate -- what? "Whatever you lost, maybe I can help you find it." Yeah, in your pants!