Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Schlong Day's Journey Into Raige
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.01.2004
Not!warts. Piper and the Dolt play the staring-at-each-other-and-giggling-shyly game for a very long time until they segue into a discussion about their sons, followed by a discussion about their future together. Piper reluctantly admits that she can't "go there" because the basic situation's the same. The Dolt's still an ever-useless Elder, and as long as he remains one, they can't be together. Yawn. Raige orbs in to request a moment alone with the Dolt. Piper orders them to spill it, as she's "pregnant, not stupid," and can tell something's going on. The Dolt admits that they didn't want to alarm her, but there's "a demon consolidating powers using Charmed knowledge." Raige then cops to the fact that she accidentally conjured said demon when she conjured Mr. Right. Piper's all, "Wait. Back it up. Mr. Right as in my Mr. Right?" "No," Raige pffts, "because that would be gross. My Mr. Right." "[Raige]," the Dolt chides. "There are rules." "Oh, please," she snorts. Heh. Raige then drops the whole double Chris-in-jail/Darryl-not-helping bomb. Piper, her head practically popping off, demands to be taken home immediately. The Dolt insists she remain at Not!warts to "save one son" while he himself heads back to "save the other one." Piper rolls her eyes, tosses her fabulous mane of glossy dark hair around, and sighs.
Nonexistent Attic. Phoebe consults the Book while mixing a potion. Slampiece Wonder Bread wanders in from the stairs for a chat. "Shouldn't you be peeling [Raige] a grape or something?" Phoebe snipes. "She doesn't like grapes," Wonder Bread instantly replies in That Tone That Makes Me Giggle, before admitting she has yet to return from Not!warts. As he's got some time to kill, he offers to help Phoebe with the potion. Phoebe snots something dismissive and impolite, like, shrew. The current situation is not his fault and you know it. Wonder Bread, ever helpful and hoping to bridge the rift between the bickering siblings, lets loose with a little speech in which he reminds Phoebe that Raige "doesn't think it's fair for magic to take away so much without ever giving anything back." He adds, "She was going crazy [but] she didn't want to complain -- she didn't want you to have to feel guilty for having lost your powers. Don't stay mad at her too long, okay? It hurts her, Phoebe. She looks up to you a lot more than you know." Phoebe looks suitably chastened. Yeah. Anyone want to bet on how long that's going to last? Wonder Bread, having thus unburdened himself -- and, by extension, Raige -- slides a sewing needle from a nearby pincushion and jabs it into his finger to add a little of his blood to Phoebe's Vincent vanquish. It is, he reminds her, likely the most important ingredient. When Phoebe wonders why jabbing himself with a needle doesn't seem to hurt him, Wonder Bread reveals he's incapable of feeling anything but what Raige feels. And that's just sad and creepy as all hell, but I already ranted about it four months ago, so I'll be moving this along. Raige and the Dolt orb in, with Raige immediately babbling her maxima mea culpas for getting them all into this mess in the first place. "Stop," Phoebe tells her gently. "You apologized already." Raige is more than a bit puzzled by this, but is far more pleased to have been let off the hook. Phoebe announces the vanquish is ready, so the Dolt naturally wonders which demon Vincent intends to attack next. "Kimoto Demon," Raige and Wonder Bread answer in unison. The Dolt wiggles his eyebrows around as Raige smiles, "I like the way you think." "Back at ya," Wonder Bread replies in kind. "Ew," Phoebe grimaces, and that joke was a hell of a lot funnier the first time they did it.
Cut to a sunlit alleyway, where the ashy remains of the never-seen Kimoto Demon smoke on the asphalt. Raige and the Dolt orb in with Phoebe to stare at the cinders and glum that they're too late. "Actually," Vincent perks, rounding the corner at the alley's far end, "you're right on time. So glad you could make it." Raige is instantly mesmerized by his presence and stands frozen in place, the vanquish clutched in her hand. The Dolt urges her to throw the potion. "You wouldn't hurt me, would you?" Vincent asks, anticipating the answer, which arrives when Raige's body flares white. Phoebe snatches at the vial and hurls it towards Vincent's feet. Nothing happens because, as Vincent explains, "[Raige] didn't conjure [him] to go away until it's time." He takes a couple of steps towards the Manor Morons before orbing out to reappear directly behind Raige. "You can't resist me, remember?" he coos in her ear. Raige wordlessly joins him in an Hell-bound orb cloud as Phoebe and the Dolt gape at each other.