Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Schlong Day's Journey Into Raige
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.01.2004
Vincent's Lair. Elisa snaps open her vicious-looking throwing star and smirks as Piper bellows fruitlessly for the Dolt and Big Gay Chris. Suddenly, another throwing star slams into Elisa's back, and she vanishes in a veil of fire. "Whoops!" goofs the Feebs. "Missed!" She slings another star, vanquishing a nearby demonette, as Piper toddles for cover behind an outcropping of rock. Two of the Demonatrices hurl stars in Phoebe's direction, but she blocks herself with yet another Flearing Floozy, who howls and wails and blazes her merry way to Hell. In addition to being annoyingly chatty, this episode also has a rather high female body count. Makes you think. In any event, Phoebe gets off a roundhouse kick that takes down the two remaining demonettes before she races to Piper's side to free her of her bonds. Piper gets an eyeful of Phoebe's ludicrous get-up and snickers, "Are you here to save me, or kill me?" Phoebe exasperates for a moment before spinning Piper around to remove the rope encircling her sister's wrists. "Is there a plan involved in any of this?" Piper wonders. "There was," Phoebe sighs, "until Chris and [the Dolt] didn't respond to your call." "Great," Piper eye-rolls as the shot cuts to the nonexistent attic, where the Dolt tries and fails to sense the gals on that stupid supernatural radar of his. Big Gay Chris immediately volunteers to head "down there" with the potion, but the Dolt, concerned for his son's safety, insists he remain in the Manor. "Phoebe'll figure it out," he assures Chris. "She always finds a way." Meanwhile, back in the lair, Piper wants to deploy the Hands Of Discontent, an idea Phoebe nixes because it risks exposing Fetal Gay Chris to physical harm. Phoebe proposes instead that she herself "go after the two [Demonatrices] on the right." Piper's all, "And then what?" "Then," Phoebe winces, knowing how stupid she sounds, "I'll go after the two on the left." She jiggles out from her hiding place as the four remaining demonettes stalk on over in her direction. Two hurl stars at the Fun Bags. Piper tosses out a quick freeze, then deploys the Hands, each of which demolishes a floozy. Phoebe plucks the two stars out of the air and whips them back into the last two demonettes, who quickly join all of their sisters down in Hell.
After a pause, Piper ambles over to Phoebe with, "Heeey, not bad for a chick who can't levitate." "We're not done yet," Phoebe reminds her. Piper worries her pretty little head over the fact that they lack the necessary potions. "We don't need them," Phoebe rather cryptically asserts before turning to lead Piper towards Raige's faux boudoir. The gals barge in to find Raige and Vincent engaged in one of the most shockingly tepid liplocks I've ever seen on this show. Where are the tongues? And the spit? And the earsplitting lip mikes? I'm so confused. Vincent pulls away from Raige to smirk, "Phoebe. I underestimated you." "Really?" Phoebe snorts. "Well, I guess that means she did too," she continues, indicating the still-whammied Raige, who squints and quizzically tilts her head to one side. Phoebe swings her wig around to whisper an urgent "Blow him up!" at Piper. "You can't," Vincent gloats. "I'm not real, remember?" Phoebe's betting on the fact that Vincent became real the same moment his doppelganger did up in the attic. Vincent now looks somewhat frightened. Piper, by contrast, looks extremely skeptical, but she deploys the Hands nonetheless. Vincent vanishes in a quick explosion that leaves behind nothing more than a fast-dissipating black cloud and a rapidly de-whammied Raige. Piper crosses her arms and glares all, "You are so going to suffer for what you just put me through. Slut." Raige, clueless, wrinkles her nose in Phoebe's direction and icks, "What are you wearing?" Phoebe just purses her lips and wags her wig around.