Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Schlong Day's Journey Into Raige
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.01.2004
Cut to a shot of the nighttime Manor façade before the Demon Cam On Crack shuttles us over to the Transamerica Pyramid, where it spins around for a bit before shooting down a street to arrive at a rather imposing Catholic cathedral. As a bizarre, celestial choir chants the Agnus Dei, a fully vestmented priest enters a small sanctuary somewhere deep within the rather imposing cathedral to futz around with the missals, or something. Because, you know, priests wander around in their full vestments all the time -- even in the middle of the night -- on the off chance a High Mass might break out somewhere. Meanwhile, a sheet of grey smoke pushes unnoticed into the room through a loosely mounted stained-glass window, and wafts across the floor before rising into a twisting pillar that presently clots to disgorge two of the anticipated Smoker Demons. I must admit, it's a pretty cool effect we've got here -- the demons are simply two sets of rust-colored robes with pulsing puffs of smoke where their heads and hands should be. The priest, oblivious, continues puttering in the background as two bleach-blonde floozies in black pleather bustiers with matching slacks flear into the sanctuary, pause for a moment to sneer maliciously, and fling potion vials at the Smoker Demons. The Smokers promptly burst into flame as they howl and wail their merry way down to Hell. The priest turns in time to catch the final explosion as it shudders through the sanctuary and, shocked, mutters, "Dear God." "Not quite," the lead Flearing Floozy sneers, whipping her peroxided locks around to face him before flinging her hands out and grumbling in an overprocessed, masculine basso, "Run!" The priest obliges as best he can, for he is obese.
Left alone, the Flearing Floozies exposit that while they would love to vanquish the priest as well, they're under strict orders to leave him unharmed. "Now let's get out of here," the lead floozy proposes, "before…" Her voice is drowned out by the considerable racket heralding Raige and Phoebe's arrival on a cloud of orbs. The Flearing Floozies turn to confront the, um, regular floozies and snap open these vicious-looking Chinese throwing stars they've apparently been palming this entire time. Well, I'm not seeing any pockets on those trampy get-ups, at any rate. "Nuns?" Raige wonders sardonically. "I don't think so," Phoebe snorts as the lead floozy wings her throwing star in Raige's direction. Flying through the sanctuary, the weapon slices a candle in half before passing harmlessly though Raige's defensive orb cloud to embed itself in the wall. The secondary floozy unleashes her star at Phoebe, who snipers to the floor as the whirling blades ricochet off a chalice and smash into a statue. Raige orbs back in just as the lead floozy deploys yet another throwing star, so she calls out, "Weapon thingy!" and redirects the star with her orbing telekinesis into the secondary floozy's clavicle. The wound erupts in a gout of flame that quickly reduces the nameless and unlamented floozy to a pile of ash on the floor. With the howls of her companion still echoing in the sanctuary, the remaining Flearing Floozy pauses just long enough to glare at the Glamorous Ladies before flearing out.