Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Schlong Day's Journey Into Raige
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.01.2004
Trudeau Memorial, formerly Andy's House Of Beef, formerly The Loneliest Precinct House In The World. The Dolt barges in to confront the Doormat, and Dorian Gregory seems to be as bored with this scene as I am. Either that, or he's stoned off his fucking gourd. The Doormat refuses any further assistance, citing the influence of "those beings who erase memories," and now I'm even more convinced that Harvey Cleaner's evil. I swear to God, if they just drop all that after tonight's episode, someone's going to die. Again, it'll probably be me, but still. Death, people! In an angry outburst, the Dolt seethes that "sooner or later, they'll figure out who [Chris] is, and then what?" The Doormat's all, "Not my problem, dude. See ya!" The Dolt flusters for a moment, then gets a crafty look in his eye as the scene cross-fades to the county jail, where Miserable Gay Chris huddles on his bunk in the gloom. The Dolt orbs in all surreptitious-like and announces his intent to break his son out of jail. "Took you long enough," Chris pisses before wondering if Darryl's agreed to cover for them. The Dolt's all, "Screw Darryl!" and Chris is all, "What about the exposure risk?" and the Dolt's all, "Screw the exposure risk!" and Chris is all, "Thanks, Dad," and then they orb out. Aw. Not. Scene.
Nonexistent Attic. The potion pot explodes as Phoebe tosses in a final ingredient, and Slampiece Wonder Bread asks if it's done. Phoebe blithers something tiresome involving her newfound lack of self-confidence as she siphons a bit of the potion from the pot with a turkey baster to load it into a vial. Wonder Bread gallantly volunteers to act as a guinea pig for the mix, arguing that if it works on him, they'll know it'll work on Vincent. Phoebe hesitates, but eventually drops the vial at Wonder Bread's feet. A puff of smoke erupts, followed by a shimmering wash of whitish mojo that travels up Wonder Bread's body as he gasps in shock. "How do you feel?" Phoebe asks. "Alive," he gapes before darting over to the table to retrieve a dagger from the various implements of magical destruction there assembled. He then proceeds to slice open the palm of his hand, like, you moron. If you wanted to see if you could feel pain, all you had to do was, like, pinch your arm. Nimrod. Wonder Bread quickly gets over his physical agony, though, because he's overjoyed at being real. "I hope you didn't just trick me into doing that," Phoebe side-eyes, suddenly worried. "No," Wonder Bread assures her, "but I did help you realize you're not as powerless as you thought." Phoebe hmmms at that for a bit until Big Gay Chris orbs into the nonexistent room with his worthless deadbeat of a father. "Chris!" she exclaims. "You're out!" Heh. Ah-heh-heh-heh. "Thank God," Chris replies. Snerk. Hee. So much for LesBianca. The Dolt confirms that the latest potion worked, then reveals that Big Gay Chris came up with a plan for rescuing Raige during his time in the stir. Said plan involves Phoebe infiltrating Vincent's lair. Once she's established herself, the boys will deliver the various relevant potions. Phoebe, waiting for the other shoe to drop, prompts, "And how, exactly, am I going to sneak in?" The boys grin and snicker at each other.
Cut to Phoebe in a crappy blonde wig and a black pleather catsuit of her very own as she joins the other Demonatrices for a conference with the boss. Since they flogged this particular costume change relentlessly in the previews, I have no idea whether or not that cut was funny. I'm leaning towards "Not," though. Go figure. Vincent enters, thanks Elisa for her punctuality, and reminds her that Raige cannot be involved in whatever it is they're about to do to her sisters. "I understand," Elisa nods firmly as Raige orbs in with the absolutely rotund Piper. Holly Marie Combs's baby must have weighed eighteen pounds when she finally gave birth it a couple of weeks ago. Piper takes one look at her surroundings and rather calmly wigs. "What are we doing here?" she asks, nervously glancing around at the cavern walls and the scantily clad sluts they contain. "You know how I've always felt tied down?" Raige replies, sauntering over to Vincent's side. "Well, I thought you'd like to know how that feels." She summons a length of rope with her orbing telekinesis that quickly binds Piper's hands behind her back. "What the hell are you doing?" Piper squeals. Raige simply smiles and allows herself to be led into her mock bedroom by Vincent, who conjures a door once they're inside. Piper quietly freaks straight into the final commercial break.