Episode Report Card Erin: B | 161 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT You Give Me Fever
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 10 | Aired on 2003.12.07
Oops Center. Jack and Vaughn are trying to spin their tall tale about searching for Syd's prison captors. Penis Head is SO not buying any of this, even though Jack and Vaughn provide a very convincing paper trail. Penis Head just calmly stands up and blahs something about how Jack was once held by German intelligence in 1982 and how Jack managed to convince the Germans he wasn't an American, even though they held him for two weeks. Jack wisely sees through Penis Head's false niceties. "We are talking," he says, his voice dropping several octaves, "about the fate of my daughter." "Where do you think she is?" asks Penis Head, in this voice that suggests that he really knows where she is -- he just wants to see if Jack knows that he knows where she is. Or something. "Don't. Do. This," Jack grits. "Where do YOU think --" BAM! Jack slams Penis Head to the ground with a solid left hook before he can finish his sentence. Hee! Jack jumps all over Penis Head and other agents rush to intervene, including Vaughn. Hee hee hee. Penis Head orders Jack and Vaughn into custody, like NOW!
Warsaw. Yeah. I got nothing on this location. Syd and Will are standing on some random dock. Will's all, dude? Assuming St. Aidan shows, what in the hell am I supposed to say to him? Syd's all, tell him you've been given code six clearance and you want to hear about the Covenant. Then she hands him an earpiece. "Last chance to bail out," she says. "What're you, kidding me?" he says. "I love this stuff." Heh. We love you, Will! Love you! Will goes to get into position as Syd pulls up the antenna on her listening device.
Oops Center. Marshall and Penis Head are kibitzing as they walk down the hall. Marshall informs Penis Head that the person from the Covenant who contacted them was using a voice identification scrambler device, making it impossible to identify the voice of the caller. Penis Head's all, so, like, what? You're telling me you got nothing? There's no way to verify that it was the Covenant making the demands? Marshall bloogles something about how the fact that they know nothing means it probably was the Covenant because the Covenant does stuff like oh for Christ's sweet sake, I have no idea what he's talking about and I don't really care because we're only about twenty minutes away from Syd and Will sex and I really want to get on with this, like, NOW. Marshall stops Penis Head before he walks away and asks him if Sydney's going to be okay. The shit that comes out of Penis Head's mouth at this point is so abhorrent that I'm not even going to recap it. Suffice it to say, Penis Head is one big fat lying sack of cow dung. And the fact that he's lying to our mascot Marshall is really, REALLY disgusting. I can't wait for him to die.