Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I screw dead people.
By Demian | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.27.1998
Wong darts out of the storefront into the street just as Andy pulls up with a couple of squad cars. The police order Wong to freeze (get it?), but Wong decides to go out in a hail of gunfire. I'm not entirely certain, but I think Andy's the one who kills him. The Glamorous Ladies plus Mark emerge onto a balcony above to gaze down upon the felon's corpse. "I've never seen anybody killed before," Piper innocently breathes. Prue and Phoebe roll their eyes and snort "Javna" and "Jeremy" respectively. "I mean anybody human," Piper hisses, furious that her sisters would blow that whole "caring, tender damsel" thing she's got going with The Corpse About Town. Snicker. Prue orders everyone to scram before Andy sees them.
Tony Wong's "soul" wafts out of his body to make "the hell?" noises. Yes, Tony Wong's Soul. Exactly. Tony Wong's Soul runs around the corner into a convenient alleyway, where he encounters the Ps plus The Corpse About Town. Tony Wong's Soul whimpers something about Mark being dead before Yama-Lama-Ding-Dong materializes on horseback behind him. Mark tosses Tony up against a wall, scowling, "Make a wish, you bastard!" Mark then impales Tony on Ding-Dong's Spear Of Doom. Tony howls and wails and dissolves into a veil of mist that circles Ding-Dong before disappearing into the Hagar helmet. Ding-Dong's eyes glow red for a moment, then shift into green as he canters over to Mark. Piper places herself between Mark and the spear, shrieking, "No! You can't take him! He's a good man!" Prue and Phoebe join Piper to block Mark's spectral form in a show of solidarity. Yama-Lama-Ding-Dong takes a long moment before raising his spear in acknowledgment of the ladies' superior Western sense of morality or whatever, then dematerializes.
Funeral Of Chao. An ovary warbles, "I will know you when I come as we all will come to the door beyond the grave," like, what. The fuck? Piper weeps, and Mark sadly regards his broken mother. After a bit, Mark approaches the gals and urges them to make the most of their lives. He offers a special goodbye to Piper. She can barely speak, what with the tears and all. Then, an enormous wedge of cheese materializes on the edge of the gathering in the form of Mark's dead father. Mark bids them all farewell once more, then turns to join the wedge of cheese. They toss their arms across each other's shoulders and vanish. Piper sobs and chokes through a bit of self-deprecating laughter, "Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy," and I steadfastly reject this reference to the Dolt's existence. Nope. He's not in this episode, so I'm not going to think about him. No way. Sorry. Dolt who? Exactly.