Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I screw dead people.
By Demian | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.27.1998
Out in the street, Piper and Mark leap into the Grand Cherokee and peel off. Wong snatches a pen from one of his underlings to scribble her license plate down on his hand. For the trivia freaks out there -- and you know who you are -- the plate number is 3B583Y8. Tony Wong purses his lips and sneers his way into the commercial break.
Did you know the Pan-Am Games were held in Winnipeg in 1999? And that said games awarded a bunch of 'roid jockeys from Canada a gold medal for "roller hockey"? Of course you didn't. The Pan-Am Games? Roller hockey? Winnipeg? As if anyone gives a shit.
Back from the break, Piper crosses a parking lot outside a police station that is not The Loneliest Precinct House In The World to tell Mark she dropped the Wong photo into Andy's interoffice mail. As she reassures Mark of Andy's prowess as a detective, she holds open the passenger door on the Cherokee for him, even though we know Mark can move through objects. Perhaps she's simply being polite. Of course, as she does this, Andy himself spots her from his parking space a few cars down, and strides over to make fun of Piper for talking to herself. Piper guhs and flutters her hands about for a bit before changing the topic of conversation to Prue's latest spat with her boyfriend. Andy asks for advice, and Piper sagely instructs him to keep his distance until Prue gets over herself. Andy grins and gives her a hug, then walks away. Were The Corpse About Town still able to sprout wood, he'd be playing pocket pool right now over Piper's sweet, sweet ways. He smiles at her and asks if he could escort her to a place in the city of which he's rather fond. Yeah. His bedroom. Increasingly smitten, Piper smiles back at him and agrees.
The Hotel Of The Tool. Phoebe again accosts Mr. Correy. Screaming. Shrieking. Flashbacks to relevant premonitions. Threats. Warnings. Calls for security. Correy leaves the hotel, drops his briefcase in the middle of the street, and bends to pick it up. Phoebe hurtles down the front steps and flings herself against his body as a pink Cadillac races towards them. Correy escapes his near-death encounter unscathed. Having thus saved his life, Phoebe reminds him to drop a twenty in her jar as payment for the accurate "psychic reading." "Tip not included," she snippily adds before wandering away. Is this subplot over yet? It is? Thank God.
Apartment Of Chao. Dude! I totally called it. He's showing her his "etchings." Scamp. Dead scamp on his way to Hell dangling from the business end of a spear, but still. Piper examines a paperback copy of a novel by Camus and pretends she's impressed. Wait. That would be me with the pretending. Piper's actually into the whole thing. She flips the book open to read the following: "'I love this world as a dead world, and as always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, and all one craves for is a warm face -- the warmth and wonder of a living heart.'" The Stranger? It has to be either that one or The Plague, I suppose. I haven't read Camus since college. Mark cracks wise about actually getting to meet Camus if Andy's as good a cop as Piper claims, which is silly because everyone knows those nasty French existentialists are rotting away in Hell. Mark directs Piper to retrieve a small wooden chest from a bookcase, and the two sit on the couch to open it. The box is full of his grandfather's secret recipes, and he'd like Piper to have them. Aw. She rightly protests that they should remain in Mark's family, but he insists, eliciting a promise that Piper will use the recipes for Prue's birthday bash. He reminds her that he walked out on his own birthday party not realizing it would be his last, and the gals should therefore force Prue to be festive, or something. It's all very touching, I suppose, if you're the kind of sap who cries at Hallmark commercials, because that's about the level of emotional depth in this scene. Piper gets misty.