Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I screw dead people.
By Demian | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.27.1998
Boudoir Of The Prueminator. The lady of the room is curled in a wicker armchair while channel surfing. Phoebe enters, and the two chat about her good deed for the day and how special she feels now that she saved the life of some middle management asshole. Prue then admits that while she's angry with Andy for hiding the fact of Susan from her, she feels a bit hypocritical about the whole thing because she hides the fact of her bitchcraft from him every day. They agree to live their lives to the fullest despite their destiny as the Charmed Ones or something, but I'm not really sure because I was down in the bathroom scrubbing the inside of the toilet bowl with an old toothbrush.
Mark and Piper enter the front hall and get pie-eyed and moony with each other. Mark even asks, "Where have you been my whole life?" Fortunately, Wong's posse bursts through the front door to abduct Piper, saving me from gouging out my own eyes with the business end of the toothbrush I used to clean the toilet. Mark howls for help, and Prue and Phoebe race down from upstairs, arriving on the first floor far too late to do anything. Phoebe scuttles to phone the police, but Prue nixes this idea, vowing to take out Wong and his flunkies herself. The Ps plus Mark dart out of the house and into the commercial break.
Wu Han's Den Of Iniquitous Imports. Piper's strapped to a chair while Tony Wong loads a pistol. Threats. Recriminations. Hair-pulling. Tony Wong is a lousy actor, so let's cut to the chase: He offed Mark to assume his identity, which makes no sense, given that a felon like Wong would have had to alter his own fingerprints with acid or something for this plan to work, and then there's the issue of proper documentation, and you know what? I don't care. Next scene, please.
And look at that. My TV finally paid attention to me. Over at The Loneliest Precinct House In The World, Andy opens the anonymous interoffice envelope from Piper and finds the photo of Wong with the newspaper. Andy is perturbed.
Den Of Iniquitous Imports. Prue and Phoebe barge in through the main floor. A flunky levels a gun at them, but Prue squints to TK him into some shipping crates. With Mark on their heels, the ladies scamper up the staircase. Meanwhile, Tony Wong has loosened the ropes binding Piper to drag her to another hiding place as he orders his remaining lackeys to fire upon anyone who enters the room. Prue squints at the door, slamming it into the remaining lackeys. So much for that idea, Wong, my boy. Tony squeezes off a round in Prue's direction, but Piper flings a last-minute freeze, stopping both Wong and the bullet. Prue gapes at the frozen bullet, then skitters to Piper's side with Phoebe to finish untying her. Wong slides out of the freeze and whirls around to gasp at the Ps. The bullet, meanwhile, smashes through a cheap plaster dragon. Imports, my ass. Prue calmly squints at him, hurling him down the stairs.